Charger Collector Gifts

"Right - that's my laptop, my laptop charger...my kindle, my kindle charger....my iphone, my iphone charger...my ipad, my ipad charger...all my spare batteries and spare chargers...hmmm, I don't seem to have any room for my clothes..."

"I'm sorry!" I thought that was my apple cube.

"...as the devices were nestled on their chargers with care,..."

I got you a 20th anniversary present. An iPhone charger? An actual, real gift? What's the catch? House of Java Cybercafe. No catch. For the last 20 years, you've been the best whipping boy I've ever had. You're a complete tool of the technology industry. You've been a real pleasure to mock. In fact, the last 20 years of making fun of your pathetic life has made this two rewarding decades. Plug back in, whipping boy! I will outlast you, smelly old bat!

Cull manufacturers who don't standardise electrical chargers.

Dear, could you please pick up some batteries? The ones in the remote are dead and I feel like I'm Amish.

"These are the very weapons your mother and I used in our famous duel."

Second hand furniture.

"Mr Frimley will see you now."

'It's genuine 17th century satsuma - and the pair would have been worth ?14,000.'

You're telling me not to choose sides between Google and Apple. Precisely. Computer Villa. Stay neutral. Continue to support both companies. Emotionally. Right. By buying as much as you can from both companies. Doesn't that only benefit you? Heretic. Absolve yourself by upgrading your phone! Computer Villa.

'Heirloom Tiffany Lamp Delivery. I Brake for Everything.'

"This just in... the country has adopted a 24 hr military clock... ...details at 23."

"Manhatten Brooklyn Hoboken Long Island"

'It seats two comfortably.'

"I had an Android, then I switched to an iPhone. Then I went back to an Android, then I switched back to the iPhone. . ."

His cubicle had come to be known as 'Teddy Bear Heaven'.

clock shopkeeper says timing is everything

"So, Bob... anything you'd like to tell me about your little trip to the hunting store on Boxing Day?"

"Would the owner of the 1985 Ford station wagon, license plate METAL-1, please move your car so that the ice-cream truck can get through?"

'...So you claim this is genuine Rembrandt?'

'... Going once...going twice...aaaand--sold! To the gentleman in the front row for a thousand words.'

Playing cards.

Beatlemania: Open 24/8

'Hi, I'm looking for something small and portable!'

'Try his land line.'

"Twenty-five thousand, do I hear thirty thousand? Let me remind you all - this is the last Thin Mint cookie in the sleeve..."

Olga's Biological Clocks.

"I'm glad I don't have to put gas in it. the downside is that it takes a lot of time to put 3,000 AA batteries in it."

Armstrong, the new Ybox game console comes out next week. I've got to get in line at Computer Villa. Nope. You are callous and inhumane. Fortunately, I have a backup plan. Computer Villa sale! If anyone cuts, chew their nose off.

"Fetch, Ernie, fetch!"

So close... Yet so far.

Moses comes down the mountain with the first silicon chip.

"You're late."

'Well, sure, two pair is nice but nothing beats five singles!'