Overzealous Fan Radar Gifts

"I admit saying England had no hope of winning the World Cup, me Lord, but it isn't treason."

"Sure, while you went out robbing folks I stayed here and made a nice quiche, and just to prove I'm not a sissy I made it with mountain lion instead of ham."

An experimentalist alarms his guests by describing the appearance of the mushrooms in a dish they have just eaten.

'This is Bob - our secret agent of change.'

'The hard hats? In case of falling interest rates.'

Snake with 'toxic' sign around it's neck.

'This patch is to quit smoking...this patch is to quit drinking...this patch is to quit drugs...this patch is to quit coffee...and this patch is to quit having any kind of fun whatsover!'

'Hey, I made a hole in Juan.'

A heat wave threatens an old woman.

"Just how powerful of a fan did you put in your computer?"

A man imagines he looks like a farmer on a tractor on a ride-on mower and

'Oh, don't even think about living life vicariously through me!'

"Can you keep a secret?"

'Please prepare this memo about reducing the use of our photocopiers and give each of our staff a copy. Send them a second copy, as a reminder, in two weeks and send a third reminder the following week.'

Undercover Agent

Football Boomerang.

'Any gunslingers in your family? You're certainly 'Quick on the draw'.'

You are not alone! It is a TEAM EFFORT!

Fisherman catches a mine.

I have to let you go, Dobson. I've just found out you were hired because of a computer error.

'You want to go somewhere really hot - that can be arranged.'

Quick Sand and Slow Sand

Heat Wave Podium

"It works smart, while we work hard."

'How come no one ever sends me a fax?'

'Church Commission Land. No entry. Don't be tempted - someone IS watching!'

"Hard work, determination, success!"

Very little fan fair.

"There it goes again. That dang phone's here someplace..."

When Butt-dialers Talk

'This word processing program is very user friendly. All the O's contain a happy face.'

"The inflation isn't that bad. The kids pick berries, my wife picks grass and leaves, and once a month we can afford a loaf of bread."

"Darling, Mother faxed her tuna-casserole recipe all the way from Ohio."

'I was recruited by the Government at University and then they spent a great deal of time and money turning me into a deadly weapon.'

Wind-Up Fan