Overzealous Fan Gifts

'Oh, don't even think about living life vicariously through me!'

I've been working 20 hours a day. Well, that leaves you four hours to get to work.

'Doorbell. Must be the sitter.'

Mom, I think you're carrying us too much.

"I admit saying England had no hope of winning the World Cup, me Lord, but it isn't treason."

A man imagines he looks like a farmer on a tractor on a ride-on mower and

Bob hated working over-time.

Football Boomerang.

Well, no wonder the natives are restless. They're worshipping an espresso machine!

"He's two onths old and already drooling at a four-month-old level."

The Sports Fanatic

Health and Safety Gone Mad - "It doesn't look safe, his face is totally exposed to danger."

'Please excuse my mother, this is my first interview.'

"Personally, I wouldn't have a problem with a nanny state."

"He wasn't specific. His last message just said, play it safe - whatever that means."

Oog is good at sharpening sticks, but he doesn't know when to stop. You can quit now, Oog. You've made your point.

'Hello and welcome to the stupidly hyperbolic awards.'

'I was an overachiever.'

Took a tiny nothing molehill and created this huge, amazing mountain

'We were thinking of building something a little subtle this time... haha, just kidding, make it horrible.'

"Hard work, determination, success!"

Wife says: 'Very festive, but I can't seem to find the door.'

Sunset gets later and later every day, little buddy. So what? So, sunset happens later in the day. That means I an accomplish a lot more before smooching hour. I can run an extra ten miles. I can chop an extra cord of firewood. I can catch an extra school of fish. I can prepare for my date by mining an extra nugget of lip balm from my secret lip balm quarry. I can download 30 extra books I'll never read.

"It's gonna be hard for my kid to have type 2 diabetes. He's used to being number 1."

This is the love of my life....

Maybe we're overwatering it.

Chutzpah, $1.

Horribly concerned about head lice, Donna Frick insisted that...

'Dinner's been over for three hours, but Mom keeps jumping back in the frying pan.'

'Look, quit making excuses. You're in kindergarten now. If you ever hope to see grade one, you gotta buckle down.'

"Since 1954, I've lost five sets of keys, eleven wallets, nine pairs of gloves, and thirty-two ball-point pens. Has any of that stuff ever turned up?"