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"Sheriff, Have you heard that Billy the Kid's coming to town?"

'Anyone here answer to the name 'The Eldorado Kid'?'

"Once upon a time, there was a princess who wasn't about to take anyone's sh*t."

Kid to mom: 'Tell me again about the time you helped fortress a city, subdue hostile fire and got home and baked us all raspberry strudels.'

"Sure, while you went out robbing folks I stayed here and made a nice quiche, and just to prove I'm not a sissy I made it with mountain lion instead of ham."

"Siri, who’s the fairest of them all?"

'I've had the place gob-stopper-dashed.'

"That dream catcher may be working a little too well."

"I'm trying to forget a pussycat."

"What did Jesus order?"

Dorothy, the lion, and the scarecrow, are suddenly confronted by the tin man of Oz.

Fyodor Dostoevsky

Toys were me: lessons learned never growing up

"Now here's a tale that'll make you hair stand on end"

"Kid!! We know you're in there!!! Either come out or commence to fightin'!!!!"

Queen says: 'Mirror, mirror, on the wall ... 'It's all so subjective' is not an acceptable answer.'

'And all the executive board members got lovely big payouts and lived happily ever after!'

"'Best wishes'? That's it? That's all you got?!"

'I thought you were going for a walk in the woods. Your porridge has been cooling on the table for hours! '

Fairy tale

Rapunzel's short-lived career in the restaurant business.

'Tarzan's younger brother, Ed, was raised by sloths.'

'So the prince and princess lowered their expectations became savvy consumers, then they lived reasonably contented forever after.'

'Pirate's Cove is about a half mile down the beach.'

"The Ugly Duckling didn't know why he was so attracted to swan culture."

'I never saw a tracer bullet that I didn't admire for color, clarity and swiftness.'

The hare and the tortoise - the rematch.

'Rapunzel, Rapunzel! Let down your hair extensions.'

"You ever get the feeling the posse's starting to lose focus?"

"Now, can you explain that with a parable?"

The princess and the key

'The only means of access was via the previous tenant's hair. But not to worry, there's a ladder 'round the back.'

"She wants the tooth, the whole tooth, and nothing but the tooth."

"So you don't want to come along?"