Organizational Humor Lover Pillows

The Department of Mystery - No one really knows who we are or what we do, including us.

'As Boss of this gang I'm in charge of Strategy; Fingers you head up Acquisitions; Tiny: Security; and Speedy: Transport. Leaving our intern Hugo, as Health & Safety Officer, to do the Risk Assessment.'

'Oh, but I did file your tax return, Mr. Slinkmeyer! Right here, under 'T'!'

'I told you that I had filed it properly. It's under 'l' for 'letters'.'

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

'It seems every time my business grows so does my paperwork!'

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

Businessman on stilts: 'I had to step over a lot of people to get where I am today.'

'I hate leaving work when I feel I could have delegated more.'

"I spent all day learning productivity hacks"

'Let me worry about the one percent inspiration, you just take care of the 99 percent perspiration.'

'I've decided to step down as your CEO in order to spend more time in jail...'

'The good news is we're projecting a profit. The bad news is none of us will be alive then.'

"Would you say that the sales projections in your 3 year plan are realistic?"

'Well the good news is that we've landed some huge contracts in China!'

"Hold my calls, Kimberly. I'm with a ball of string."

'Office' block tightening it's belt

"And where have you previously moused?"

'What's wrong now?'

'I'm promoting you to project coordinator because you seem to have an overall view of things.'

Boss to worker taking out wallet: 'It's only fair, Pete. Last year, we shared profits!'

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

'Does your mother know you keep a messy office?'

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

"The article you sent me on how technology causes stress crashed my computer."

'I have much less stress since I replaced my in box with a paper shredder.'

'I heard the Board was talking about kicking you, but I don't know if it's upstairs or out.'

'I need to talk to you about the coffee fund.'

'Recent studies in primate colonies suggest that organizational performance can be improved by replacing complicated financial incentives with bananas.'

'You earned this corner office by cutting corners...'