Organizational Humor Lover Pillows

The Department of Mystery - No one really knows who we are or what we do, including us.

'As Boss of this gang I'm in charge of Strategy; Fingers you head up Acquisitions; Tiny: Security; and Speedy: Transport. Leaving our intern Hugo, as Health & Safety Officer, to do the Risk Assessment.'

'Oh, but I did file your tax return, Mr. Slinkmeyer! Right here, under 'T'!'

'I told you that I had filed it properly. It's under 'l' for 'letters'.'

"Your sacrifice on behalf of this organization is noted and appreciated."

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

"Another week another dollar, Jenkins"

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

'It seems every time my business grows so does my paperwork!'

'And remember to emphasize we're giving them the opportunity to find a better job.'

Businessman on stilts: 'I had to step over a lot of people to get where I am today.'

"I spent all day learning productivity hacks"

'I hate leaving work when I feel I could have delegated more.'

'Let me worry about the one percent inspiration, you just take care of the 99 percent perspiration.'

'I've decided to step down as your CEO in order to spend more time in jail...'

'The good news is we're projecting a profit. The bad news is none of us will be alive then.'

"Would you say that the sales projections in your 3 year plan are realistic?"

'Well the good news is that we've landed some huge contracts in China!'

'Office' block tightening it's belt

"Hold my calls, Kimberly. I'm with a ball of string."

"And where have you previously moused?"

'What's wrong now?'

'I'm promoting you to project coordinator because you seem to have an overall view of things.'

"Who gave you permission to ask for a raise?"

"It used to Casual Friday. Now it's Furlough Friday."

"There are no big jobs, only small machines."

Boss to worker taking out wallet: 'It's only fair, Pete. Last year, we shared profits!'

'Does your mother know you keep a messy office?'

"The article you sent me on how technology causes stress crashed my computer."

'Pick a contract...any contract!'

'I have much less stress since I replaced my in box with a paper shredder.'

'I heard the Board was talking about kicking you, but I don't know if it's upstairs or out.'

'Recent studies in primate colonies suggest that organizational performance can be improved by replacing complicated financial incentives with bananas.'