Organizational Comedian Gifts

'It's probably not a good sign to be listed in the organization chart underneath the office plants.'

"I thought that modern communications systems were meant to be more efficient...That they would cut down on waste and duplication."

'When are you going to show some INITIATIVE, Findley?', 'When you TELL me to, sir!'

'Okay, places everybody! Here comes the Chairman.'

Try not to think of yourself as a cog in a vast and uncaring machine...but rather as a small but relatively important cost center.

"I am not ‘politicizing the issue’ — I simply asked you to pick up your room!"

"You're invited to our management excursion. Come dresses as a pinata."

"Looks like we found the issue."

'Why is it that nothing ever gets done at these meetings?'

"You've got your corner office, so what more do you want?"

"Remember the golden rule: more buzzwords, less real words."

"Is this to make me feel bad for not getting you that laptop?"

"I'm going to bombard you with graphs until you agree with me."

Pounding speeds up the computer.

'And were there a point to your proposal, Henderson - What would it be?'

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

'Now that I have your attention...'

'We invest so much money in training staff...it's a mystery to me why businesses would risk losing them.'

"I was hoping this presentation would be more interesting upside down."

'We've set the bar quite high at this company. It helps us control bonuses.'

'I think you are taking this elevator pitch way too literally'.

'The check is in the email attachment.'

I'm looking for employees who have their own unique way of seeing things my way.

"Welcome to the bank - you'll start at the bottom."

'When we get there let me do the double talking.'

'I should not that the cherry and whipped cream were an afterthought created by our graphics dept.'

"Peter's Joint Head of Communications."

"Oh, yes, and there's plenty of opportunity for advancement."

"I'd say we were pretty much on target."

"Boy, am I glad they finally hired more staff!"

'This job is for a 30 hour week. . .but to achieve that you need to work 60 hours a week.'

'I'm glad you guys could work this out in a reasonable manner.'

'Whoever said 'The only thing we have to fear is fear itself' never had a room full of angry shareholders.'

"Third quarter numbers were good after we cut our global workforce three to two."

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."