Orderly Chaos Navigator T-Shirts

'But if I clean it, Mom, I worry a a Neat Seeking Missile may find it and blow it up.'

"Better bring me another cookie. The last one fell in the water."

Weekday Morning Hell Bingo

The inhabitants of the jungle get tied up in rush hour traffic.

'Can I call you back, Frank? A giant maggot is eating my desk, people are shooting at me and my hair is on fire.'

Woman with kids at husbands office.

Stubborn Horse

"Trust me, this is as weird for me as it is for you."

"Mom, can you come get me?"

'Do you have any books on controlling little monsters?'

Signs of Stress

A dream of consequence

The Best Laid Plans

'Well, there goes the last of my New Years resolutions...'

Having It All

'I wish I came in a child-proof container.'

"Boy, has it been hacked!"

'If anyone's still interested, the definition of entropy is ^,'

"Have you heard of Murphy's Law 2.0? It's anything that could possibly go wrong often does...as well as a thing or two that couldn't possibly go wrong."

'Your mother and I want you to know that you wouldn't be hurting our feelings if you decided not to go to University.'

Careful

'I wish I came in a child-proof container.'

Tax Department - Whammy/double whammy

"It's funny how that works. It doesn't matter where I am in the house... I can always tell when the novel isn't going well."

Department to Control Government Growth - 'We need more room.'

Married Life - Poet unable to write because of noisy children

Going to the pub with kids...

"Don't worry. I'll be right back. I just need a little space."

Working from home.

"Frank?"

"We'll have to pick this up later. My plane just went down, sharks ate my personal assistant, and apparently I'm winning some kind of surfing competition."

"Please wait while I load up software you'll never use and stick random icons all over the place."

"The therapeutic petting zoo creatures have calmed the office, but the cleaning crew is freaking out!"

'Bag? Any vouchers? Like a packer? If you have two of those... What type of apples are these?'

'Oh my God! Call the Feng Shui expert!'