Ordering Food Pillows

I'd like a turkeyburger combo please. Ok. What drink would you like? You don't have to yell. I'm sorry, I didn't realize I did. Are you calling me a liar? No sir, I'm not. Not at all. So you're saying I'm stupid, then? So stupid I can't tell the difference between regular talking and yelling? Ok, then. I'll have a diet coke with my combo. That's be $14.95. Are you trying to say I can't afford it?! Let me talk to you manager. I AM the manager. What's that supposed to mean?

Listen, lady, I just want a pizza. I realize that when you see this phone number pop up on your computer, you expect to hear a lot of double entendres mixed in with the order, but when I ask you to hold the anchovies, I literally want you to hold the anchovies.

'I realize it's not on the menu but I'm on a diet and I'd like an air fern salad.'

LAY ZEE FUK

"I know, I know, every time we come here, I swear I'm going to try something new, but I always end up getting the same thing."

"Rump roast?"

Drink for me and my hot mamma. Now! We don't serve beer. Latte. Two, punk! Decaf. You don't want to see him angry. Also, low-foam and soy milk would be great. You don't want to see him gassy. Can I get one of those little Twizzler sticks to stir it with? Cube of brown sugar, please. And one nonfat blueberry scone! Two! I'd like to see how John Wayne would've ordered a fancy coffee drink.

Food deliverer's baby.

"And how is last week's tilapia tonight?"

'How is the water prepared?'

"....And then chuck the whole lot in the dustbin and phone for a take-away."

"How would you like your steak sir—really well done or raw? We've got a new chef."

"So, you want me to go all the way back to the kitchen just to get you a menu...? Couldn't I just give you a link to our, online menu?!"

French Early Bird

"I used to be a vegetarian. Then I became a vegan. Then a fruitarian. Now I only eat manna that falls from Heaven."

"Oh sorry, those are the Ten Commandments. Hang on, I'll get you a menu."

"Yes, he is a celebrity chef, but he doesn't have any opinions on Iraq."

"Where's my order!? This service is terrible! That stuff will be cold by the time it gets here!! What's the hold-up!?!"

"Waiter, can you find out if this hair in my arugula salad is locally harvested?"

"The checkout clerk will now testily remind you to press 'ok'."

'Look, Mum, those loaves have had some babies!'

Attack of the 'health' foods

Sisyphus Pizza

'We've run out of Parmesan cheese.' Food in pasta.

"Yes, I'm the wise man who lives on the top of the mountain. And believe me, the surcharge for the pizza delivery service is insane!"

'I didn't have time to hunt'

'I asked for a rare steak and you certainly don't see many as BAD as this!'

"Whatever diet they're on, tell them what they ordered is PERFECT for them."

"I get a fresh food kit delivered for lunch. All I need to do is chop, cook, and enjoy!"

'You wouldn't believe how hard it is for me to unwind after work.'

'What if someone says 'everything is not alright'?'

Clown applying mustard to balloon hotdog.

'Let's have some fun - Let's order from that place that guarantees pizza delivery in thirty minutes!'

"That's two tossed salads, one egg drop soup, and one pulled pork."

'We don't bring you anything. That's the surprise part.'