Optical Joke Appreciators Gifts

'Well done. Your eyesight's better than mine.' (Man is picking his pocket).

'Did you want to bring on a sub'

"...so it appears we were talking to his butt that entire time."

Laughing Zone Ahead

"So I'm perfectly healthy? That's good but will I still be able to research symptoms online and panic?"

'Excuse me, I ordered Matzo Ball soup.'

'Did you really mean both me and a hippopotamus evolved from a tiny blob in the ocean?'

"I think you should be aware that the chef is a summer intern."

"You'll feel a pinch and then a burn."

'HEY! Shouldn't that be a reef-knot?!'

'The guy at the end of the bar, would like to know if he can get you to buy him another drink?'

"...you mean this is the end of the 3 bandidoes?"

"You've got to be kidding me." Hoover Dam

"I'll tell you my diagnosis if you promise not to laugh."

"Have you had a stressful experience lately, such as an accident?"

'I'm counter - intelligence'

'Cycle shop' selling puncture repair kits next door to a 'Sex shop' selling inflatable dolls

"I had a consultation with a plastic surgeon. Now I have to decide whether I want to look old or look weird."

"Calm down! That was a massive fart, NOT a sneeze!"

Due to Global Warming Penguins have been Spotted Far from their Natural Habitat

Medicine bottle - If symptoms persist, die!

'...Oh yeah? Well I've never heard of the 'denture fairy'.'

'This isn't Armageddon... it's a bar brawl on a Saturday night. Let Pestilence read the map.'

"It's funny 'cos it's true!"

"...and the dung was this big!.... No...elephant, actually."

OMG.

'I'd probably do a lot better if the teachers weren't set to 'auto-correct.''

Where do you see yourself in five years? 35.

'Mind if I head off a little early today?'

Cyclopetrist's Waiting room

"Ok, ok, how's everyone feeling tonight besides a thousand dollars poorer?"

Smart 3 Piece Suite.