Operations Manager Pillows

Santa sits in front of computers with naughty data and nice data screens.

'As part of our growth strategy we intend to build 76% more of them...as soon as we find out what they do!'

Desk trays - 'In' and 'Out-sourced'.

"We need to eliminate the middleman."

"When I hired you to improve our procurement process I was expecting more than go faster stripes on the strategy document!"

'I think we need a good Project Manager to coordinate our efforts...'

"We're developing a plan to fix this."

'The good news is, we've got 100 percent less complaints. The bad news is, we've lost all our customers.'

'We were in the right place at the right time, but unfortunately, we were in the wrong time zone.'

The Department of Mystery - No one really knows who we are or what we do, including us.

'We can manage this is we work 24/7 and no one takes a holiday.'

"Or should it be scrum or kanban???"

Quality Control

'We're a non-profit organisation. We didn't plan it that way, but that's how it worked out.'

'Jack, I'm on a conference call right now.'

'They're the ideal temp workers! Easy to train, industrious, punctual... And with a thirteen-day life-span, they conveniently die before collecting a paycheck!'

'Due to budget cutbacks we are combining our annual employee dinner with The Seven Basic Quality Control Tools Training.'

'It's not surprising. The production department is in Spain, the warehouse is in Korea, the accounting division is in Bolivia, the board of directors is in Canada.'

'Damn. I forgot to sack the staff.'

"You guys in Fulfillment have done wonders with your logistics formula."

Heaven - Under New Management.

'Nothing to complain about, sir. The new press works fantastically!'

"Well in our defence we did get the numbers right they were just in the wrong order!"

'Noticeboard? I forgot it was there to be honest.'

"Of course we'll give you a choice. Would you prefer to lose your job to outsourcing or to robotic automation?"

"The torch is passed, but since the company is going green, I'm passing a high efficiency, solar powered multi LEC prism spotlight."

'We're down here to see how other company departments including shipping function.'

Cheap Labour Countries.

'Is there anything to the rumor that the plant is moving overseas?'

"That's the last time I'll co-operate with an efficiency expert."

"In an effort to boost production we are implementing this new plan to motivate you."

'I think I found the bottleneck, Boss.'

"Why can't the rest of you be more like Rollins, here? He does his homework!"

Businessman has in/out boxes labeled 'OPS' and APPS.'

USA Products: I survived team building, computers,Nafta layoffs,the HMO, outsourcing.'