Opening A Veterinary Practice Pillows

'Well, I'm AGAINST adding a course in business methods to the curriculum....

"Quick, start the car!"

'Little Yank' Calf Puller.

Canine obidience class: 'He wouldn't budge from the armchair.'

'Well, what do I have?...Within reason, of course.'

Patent Attorney (invisible man)

'Where's my glove?'

Separation

"Are you sure you're not holding your breath?"

'I object, Your Honor! Hearsay evidence!'

'It's a statue of St. Francis of Assisi. I had it specially made for my hospital.'

'Instead of 'You're entering a world of pain', try 'This won't hurt a bit.''

'Gotta go - business is hopping

'Virus?' - 'Yes, it's a Latin word we doctors use, meaning I haven't got a clue..'

Hanging out your shingle

"Sick? You're not sick! The money I owe on my student loans... now that's sick!"

Infectious Disease Treatment Area

'Naw, man! I ain't never worked in no animal hospital...'

"I've only just started practicing. I'm hoping the proceeds from these first few sessions will pay for a couch."

'Three words doc, why you should buy...dislocation,dislocation,dislocation.'

Dentist: We drill/Fill/Bill.

'So, if this procedure is 100% safe, why do I need to sign this waiver?!'

'You're worried! What about me? I've never done this operation before!'

Sign on new dental practice reads 'open wide'.

'Doctor, you've removed leg bands before, haven't you?'

A dentist places his first tooth and his first dollar on the wall.

'Yes, you're right! We have increased our initial investment.'

Welcome to the Society of Veterinarians Who Have Spayed Tomcats!'

'What are we going to do about these grooming parlors...'

'As an amnesiac, we'll slowly build memory. Now, pay me and then try to remember paying me.'

'I can't afford to marry you, Sara. You're my best patient.'

Elephants Trunks.

Needles

'They didn't cover THIS in our restraint course at Cornell!'

'The most precious thing a practitioner can accomplish, my boy, is to accumulate a devoted following of these damned hypochondriacs."