Opening A Restaurant Pillows

'At prices like this I bet you don't get many customers in here.' - 'At prices like this we don't need many.'

"Well Lucky, for starters, I think the horseshoe was a bad idea."

'Enjoy your meal! We grow everything ourselves!'

'Too many choices to make up your mind? No problem. We also have abbreviated menus.'

'Would you like some of our house wine? I just made it.'

"And while you're waiting for your drinks can I get you something from the bar?"

"Fresh pepper spray?"

Businessman sees sign in window of 'Fred's Chili Bowl' restaurant: 'Now Hiring a Bean Counter'.

Tacosaurus Mex

"The new owners decided that the restaurant needed 'themes'...Aloha, it's Hawaiian Night!"

Business As Usual Bar & Grill: 'How's business? 'Don't ask!'

'House wine?'

"And what is your preference in wine-single or double figures?"

"Compliments to the chef! Pass it on."

'Hello, police? There's been a food fight here and I'm afraid the cheese got the worse of it.'

"I know you didn't order the snails, sir. They're complimentary with the salad."

"You're looking remarkably well done today."

"It's a cucumber mousse with a mushroom roam, but at least your bill will be substantial."

"This is our soft opening."

"You may be asking for trouble, Ernie."

"Why didn't I think of that?"

Special! Continental breakfast...$3.99: 'What continent is this suppose to represent - Antarctica!'

'They're not mints - they're antacid tablets.'

"Out with the old fish, in with the new."

'This is an honest little wine, sir.'

'Thank you so much, but I just followed the directions in the cookbook.'

'Order fast, folks - the prices have an expiration date.'

Pizza Expresso

Compliments to the chef - "Thank you very much, but all I did was follow the directions in the cookbook."

'The Oaky Cellars oak-soaked, double oakified Chardonnay, with extra oak and oak chunks? - Yes, it's a bit oaky.'

'Cooking'

'This food's disgusting.' - 'And such small portions.'

Local food for local consumption

"You have a big check because you had a big wine."

Garlic Free Zone.