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Showbiz Awards

'Fancy you doing a curtsey and she being a non-serving royal, you big dope!'

"Don't get the wrong idea about those years in a mental institution. I was employed there."

"It was romantic during dinner, but now it's getting kind of creepy."

'...Couldn't you just get pictures for your desk?'

A boy with a camera

"Do you have a boyfriend?"

The awkwardness of one's first officeplace fist-bump.

"Erm, I don't think it meant just before the ceremony!!"

Waiter does not want to see customer make bubbles in his wine.

"Let's start with a couple of glasses of water and if that goes well I'll order two coffees."

"I've put every one of those vital master copies through here, and it took ages. Where do the copies come out?"

"Such a cute doggie! And I'll bet you make the cutest poopies too, don't you?"

"Monsieur has just ordered a vasectomy..."

"I'm sensing an awkward presence."

"I dooon't know this sooonngg. I'm just heeeere with my daaaaaughter and her frieeeends."

Speed Dating Disasters

"Simple tasks were a challenge for Chad. Awww, geez. Another upside down spoon."

'By the way Adrian, it unfastens at the front.'

"How embarrassing, I'm literally glued to the television."

"Good evening, I'm your date. Let me begin by saying I'm sorry I'm late, I'm sorry I'm bald and I'm sorry I'm short."

"Are you blushing?!"

"Don't make eye-contact, don't make eye-contact..."

The Consequences of an Interrupted Shower.

"Say these things, don't think them!"

"Not wearing deodorant is not what I meant by 'respect the local customs'"

"Well...this meeting is about...ummhh...structure and...ummhhh...preparation. Well...ummhh...at least I think so..."

"Hi, I'm on the toilet"

"Are you regular?" "Every morning at 6AM." "That's good." "But I don't wake up until 7."

"You told me to mingle, so I have been mingling."

"‘How is everything?’ Well, I don’t think everything is going very well … but my pasta is excellent, thank you."