Online Reviewing Pillows

'Careful with this next patient. He's not very litigious but he is a prolific online reviewer.'

'My name's Google and I'm being inundated with requests for information about every damn thing imaginable, by people I don't even know...It's endless!'

"It started with a simple case of peer-review."

"I just edited your Wikipedia entry." "Big whoop." "What a coincidence, that's what scientists have classified you as: Bigwhoop." "...The much grumpier, much louder, and much, much older second cousin of Bigfoot." "You lousy son of a..." "Wait... thank you. That's very flattering."

'After researching our dream vacation online with reviews, commentaries, we cams and pictures, we felt we'd been there and didn't need the trip!'

Travelogue

"With an average vote of 3.5 stars, the legislation is passed."

'Ask your computer.'

"I've just been reincarnated, anyone here know what iphone we're up to?"

'Those viewers who disagree with our editorial on TV violence has better keep their big mouths shut!'

'Horace spends his spare time being a rock critic.'

'I preferred her in the margarine commercial.'

"If you prayed to Google instead of God, you might get a constructive response."

Man from 'National Viewers and Listeners Association sits at work boxes titled; 'Switch on' and 'Switch off'.

'I checked my symptoms on the internet and I think I might be dead!'

'Just one criticism of you review of last night's opening play - you omitted to mention that the theatre burnt down while you were supposed to be there!'

"Writing that book was a real strain."

"I've already go t a diagnosis from homedoc.com..."

"I have to tell you, I got a totally different diagnosis from someone named PookyPoo on medi-answer.com."

"And how do you feel when your patient does online research and thinks he's an expert?"

'I went online to check out my ancestry and I found that my dad, 10,000 times removed, was an amoeba!'

I've spent all night diluting our negative reviews on Yelp. Really? Yeah. You know how you can usually tell when a business owner does that? They post "reviews" that don't have even a hint of negativity. Amateurs. Check out the negatives I include: "House of Java Cafe. I hate it because it's so perfect, it makes the rest of my day feel inadequate."

'What seems to be the problem?' - 'I've got bubonic plague.' - 'Okay... so what symptoms do you have?' - 'Well, I feel chilly and I had a muscle cramp. They're both symptoms of plague.' - 'I hate Wikipedia.' - 'It says here that you should prescribe...'

'Those are interesting questions Timmy. I suggest you ask your search engine.'

"I appreciate how you've protected my privacy, Doc. I'm gonna tell everybody about it on my medical rating website!"

"One moment, sweetie, I'm just asking Google how I should react."

Editor

'This restaurant has got zero stars, right? Every single one of them is well deserved.'

Ewe Tube A Ewe checking out the sheep world's version of You Tube.

Book Review Translator

'Four out of five websites disagree with your diagnosis.'

"If there's anything we can do to make your stay more pleasant, just rant about it all over the Internet."

'Nope...1443 bloggers have already panned it.'

At last he was ready to plug into online job search.

"It gets worse! She's recommended us as a bed & breakfast on Trip Advisor!"