Online Reassurance Seeker Pillows

'He's a very good doctor, and I trust him, but I must confess that I always double check his diagnosis on Google.'

"Don't be embarrassed. Most heroic archetypes your age have lost the ability to swashbuckle."

"Don't worry, darling. You'll happen."

"If it's nothing serious' why did you put on five pairs of gloves?"

"I have to tell you, I got a totally different diagnosis from someone named PookyPoo on medi-answer.com."

"I'm sorry, Tom, you'll have to come in. I can't diagnose just from your tweets!"

"When I was young, we made statements using signs and marches!"

'Sure, you can communicate with him. He's also hooked up to the Internet.'

'If I do decide to get a second opinion, can I get it at your blog?'

'You're fine. Now get out of my office!'

"See, Timmy? No boogeymen under your bed — they're all out there."

Hiding From Social Media

Internet Dating Agency's - The download to your heart

"Of course it was good, Milton. . . But the best part is it took my mind off the condition the country is in for nearly twenty minutes!"

"You can rest assured, Mrs. Wilson, that your husband will receive the best care known to medical coverage."

'Be careful! It could be a phishing mail!'

'Take ten days off work.'

"I only married him for his blue tick."

Ask Me about my Break from Social Media

The only guy left who's not online.

Wolf Connection: Lone Wolf. . . but doesn't want to be.

'I'm from the computer dating agency.'

Cyber sex

"There's no known treatment for it, but I can refer you to some great related content."

A man with pink fluff exploding from his hands

'Everything will be ok. I promise... Let's discuss your payment options.'

"Come on, Joey, this is nothing. I wouldn't worry about this at all."

COMPUTER PLAY-DATING SERVICE

"Well, Marvin, maybe you could keep more of your Facebook friends is you'd stop starting every one of your posts with....."

'This is a lot of trouble! -- Why can't I sign up on line?'