Online Maven Gifts

"I didn't die. . . I just haven't been on social media much."

Jack of all trades

'A few more years in this job and you'll learn how to delegate stress.'

Drool Marks

"Does anyone here have a clue what it is we used to get?"

'Which sounds better: 'now with MORE XZ100' or 'now with LESS XZ100'?'

"I don't have to be a team player, Crawford. I'm the team owner."

'Once, long ago, I thought I was wrong...but it turned out I was mistaken.'

'I think it's time to rein in Henderson.'

'What can I do to create a climate where things get done?'

"Someone, call the office and see if we can get a fresh carrot."

'Sorry to interrupt Dixon - but this is not what I meant when I said this company needed more blue-sky thinking!'

Your Guide to Winning Movember

Have you tried turning it off and on again?

"First of all, let me commend everyone on the teamwork displayed on this icebreaker. Secondly, let me apologize for some of the motivational language I used during this session..."

Man carrying his boss.

'Well OF COURSE I rotate the tires! How do you think I got here?'

'So, how bad is it? Who can bring me up to speed?'

"Despite years of management training john still found it difficult to give negative feedback."

The worker/the man who monitors the worker/the man who wrote the draft policy guidelines on how to monitor the man monitoring the worker.

'There's an absence of leadership in this authority,we need to explore the possibility of thinking about setting up a sub-committee to look into it.'

"What kind of crazy management scheme is this?"

'Office of not much budget, and even less management! Yomp speaking!'

'Sorry...I don't deal with lease issues.'

'With our marketing budget so limited our best chance is to make commercials that are SO bad that they'll go viral.'

'How dare you accuse me of sinking this company?'

'Hmm...this new management fad is crazy enough that it might just work...'

'Attention, all department heads: the buck stops there. I've had it!'

Reconnaissance reports your email blast to Sales was a direct hit, with acceptable collateral damage in Finance and Accounting.

"I can't fire him. He has corporate sponsors!"

'This spider's web proves that you've done no work today!'

"Successful leadership involves more than just shouting at people."

'Side effects include, headache, dry mouth, muscle fatigue and turning into a frog.'