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Online Dating for Dummies

Cyber Sex

Online Dating

"Darling Elizabeth! How I long to hold you betwixt my giant industrial clamps."

"Look, Mom! A broadband digital subscriber line followed me home. Can we keep it?"

"And then she quote-tweeted my retweet of her subtweet, and the rest, as they say, is history."

"What I'm trying to say, Mary, is that I want your site linked to my site."

'We were matched by computer.'

Pucker up!

'We met online, but we don't seem able to take our relationship to the next level.'

"Yeah sure, I can erase all the silly videos of you that your master has posted on the internet. It's my most popular service..."

"I'd like to meet the algorithm that thought we'd be a good match."

Online Dating

'The internet brings everyone closer.'

"Todd and I are doing our best to make it work by never meeting in real life."

"You don't look anything like your profile picture."

'Wow - you're even prettier than your picture on 'Date'Em.com!''

"I'm sorry. I thought I'd cancelled my computer dating membership years ago!"

Vote 'Yes' or 'No' on nothing in particular - click to see results.

"Listen, if this horn really worked as an aphrodisiac I wouldn't be spending all my money on dating websites, now would I?"

R. Wickert: Born at Home, Died at Home, Home Schooled. . .

Computer Dating Service: Be Careful What You Wish For!

'I don't think we should rush into anything. Let's exchange photos first.'

Yin/Yang Dating

'I met him through a chatline website - he's a computer error.'

'I am going to Internets Anonymous... we meet in a Yahoo chatroom!'

'Oh, Lenny! Let's not spoil a perfectly good romance by actually meeting.'

'I've got to tell you, your 'Do Not Disturb' sign is unnessary.'

'I'm sorry, Steven, but I've met someone else who can give me everything you can, plus free Wi-Fi.'

"Try 'gr8food'."

'Darling, we've been virtually dating for some time now, and I'd like you to be my cyber wife.'