Online Investigator T-Shirts

Site warns website users their personal details might have been compromised...

'I remember when you used to look for answers using your astute powers of deduction.'

'Am I being too suspicious or do you think it's possible that they're crooked?'

'My name's Google and I'm being inundated with requests for information about every damn thing imaginable, by people I don't even know...It's endless!'

'Still not ready to talk? Ok dip him again.'

"I can't decide if we're good people who are bad at communicating, or monsters who communicate perfectly."

Round up all the king's horses and all the king's men for questioning.

"I'll have the Investigator's Special."

"I'm curious about your dependent children, Scamp, Flop, and Spunky."

"We'd better watch Cranston. He looks like a whistleblower."

Lady Justice and Confidential Files

Giant pandas doing surveillance in a zoo.

"You're either lying or not telling the truth."

Money laundering - shows money flowing out of US vault.

'Here, we started to be investigated...'

'It was part way through the initial investigation that detective Walters felt as if he was being watched, but there was no one in the room. No one that is except the cat, who sat contently on the chair and watched him with an almost human repose.'

Alternative Medicine

This is the last time I ask Peterson to dust for prints.

He's making a list --- Holmes solves cases quicker when he itemizes deductions.

"OK, we may not have ways of making you talk, but we do have ways of making your leg twitch uncontrollably."

Travelogue

Whodunnit. Whoreallydunnit.

Acme-5000 Lie Detector

"It's either the Ten Commandments or the Mueller Report."

Anderson Cooper as a Kid. Today, an expose that asks the question: Who IS Simon, and why must we do what he says?

'See, dear, you can't believe everything you read. It says so right here on the internet!'

"..Your analysis and medication would be perfect if you were a goat."

The lion statues in front of New York City Library are replaced with spies.

The new Physics

'So, in room 1 we sweat them. 2 is for grilling, 3 is for roasting. We leave them to simmer in room 4...'

'I believe the murderer is in this very room.'

'Is that a suspicious package in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?'

"Absolutely, Senator, in my mind it was always my country first, and obscene profits second."

Says here the Navy's going to be patrolling the South China Sea. It could spark a history-changing war. Google tells me the last time a Naval conflict changed history, it was the Battle of Midway. You were alive at that time. How awesome was it to already be ancient when Midway happened? I never expected a question like that from a prepubescent stooge like you. Was it as awesome as when you saw Cleopatra lose at the Battle of Actium? I see you're bringing Google's a-game today.

Office of the Special Investigator: Stepped out to follow the 'money trail'.