Online Dating Milestone Pillows

Computer dating.

"The bastard told me he was a pilot."

'It was love at first sight, although he was very pixilated and I was out of focus'

"...and someone with no fleas. Anything else?"

"No, no - it was great. It's just that sometime I'd like to try it missionary style."

'The iceman cometh too soon!'

"Jackie, why does your relationship status read ‘capitulated to’ me?!"

Right click for yes...

"I met him on an online dating site. He was on their 'return' section."

Missing Persons...'I'm not sure when she disappeared - sometime during the football season.'

'The heart and eyes feel nothing, but the stomach and ears are completely infatuated.'

Romance

"They haven't said two words to each other—it's sad... I hope we don't end up like that." "They keep talking to each other—it's exhausting... So glad we don't have to do that."

"You've changed."

No one has ever been accused of choosing bad relatives.

'Bob, I know you're a Mockingbird, but a few compliments every now and then would greatly help your marriage...'

Couples' therapy

"O.K. I'm just feeding in your personal details for a suitable match..."

"Darling, I think we need to talk about where this relationship is going..." Male evolution.

'Sometimes it's difficult to get their feelings to the surface.'

"But if you change your system preferences to match mine, is it really love?"

"I recommend that you two find a way to spice up your shelf life."

'You look gorgeous, honey! I love it when you wear your tentacles 'up'.'

Women in bed with her husband reads a book titled 'Sex Stinks'.

Sally and Joe's relationship really worked. . . they each had the space to do their own thing.

"We met through the personals. We both were seeking someone 'Rubenesque'."

"Even though I wasn't always perfect, I feel deep down that I am now."

You got what you deserve … you deserve each other.

"Yeah. But he's a handful."

'If you really loved me you would have bought me flowers.'

"Why can't you just learn to floss like other men?"

"Want to deal with some unresolved issues or just get another movie."

"Believe me when I tell you that I'm not that honest."

Always Compatible

"When we first started seeing each other, we would always use the same word for snow."