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'All Dressage tickets have gone, but I managed to get two for Beach Volleyball instead.'

Olympic Diary - February 9th.

'P.C. Graham being on Olympic duty does not mean. . .!'

"I hope you are enjoying the walk..."

Mr. Metamorphosis: "At least this better than waking up as a cockroach."

Tennis fans queuing at Wimbledon.

Missing Persons...'I'm not sure when she disappeared - sometime during the football season.'

Go team!

'They were hoping to gradually introduce him to the pro game, but injuries left them no choice.'

Radar Gun Readings at Baseball Stadium

'Will you lot come out! - the new kit's not that bad!'

"The Bruins are down a goal. Do me a favor: Pretend you’re a Boston terrier."

"I find that hugely offensive!"

'Did you want to bring on a sub'

"Only three more miles and tonight we're good for tiramisu!"

"Ok, Ok! The ball wasn't out!"

Ball as water-melon.

Cricket Accidents.

'What are we, wimps? Are we gonna let a bunch of rabbits push us all over the field? Come on, big guys.'

"This ump is so good he doesn't even blink."

'We're looking for athletic people.'

Hockey Season.

Bases loaded, no outs. And coach once again turns to his trusty golden reliever.

'Let's give it five more minutes. If they haven't eased up on the lasers by then, we'll have to postpone the game.'

"How about we settle your tab from the regular season?"

'Me? Dislocated thumb from switching channels to catch all the Olympic events. . .'

'How effective is this new weight-loss regime?' 'We can guarantee you'll lose £50 at your signing on.'

'...I don't like your chances!'

Ascent of man from ape to beer swilling football lout.

The bovine who jumped over the news went on to a great career w/ the Bulls!

"Now that you've won the Super Bowl what will you do next?"

'You do realize you're no longer a pro athlete and there is no preseason to work out the kinks, don't you?'