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'Uh, yeah, you go ahead. We'll catch up with the wagon train later.'

"For economy of scale I'm thinking we should drive two cows to dodge city.''

'Just a minute. How can I be sure you're not one of those 'cowboy builders'? '

Mosey sign on crossing.

'If the Old West had mass media.'

'Chief Running Bear cautions that it will also be hazardous to your health if you DON'T smoke.'

"Where did this thing come from? It's a major trip hazard if you ask me!"

'How do you feel about riding a galloping horse alongside a moving train?'

"I can't right now. My spurs are stuck together."

'Yeah, Kirby, it hurts like hell, but dang if I can't stop wigglin' it.'

'I'm done boys. I'm headin' for the gift shop to git a souvenir fer my youngin', and then I'm gonna check out the buffet.'

Or, maybe Clem should just accept Bodeen's apology.

'I must warn you, I'm the fastest gun west of the Rie Grande.' 'WOW! Unfortunately, we're five miles east of the Rio Grande.'

'Yesterday he was a kingpin, but today he's just a lynchpin.'

Dang prairie dogs!

"Just a minute - I'm uploading."

Reality Wagon Train

Custer objects to passive smoking, and immediately launches the west into another great Indian war.

Roland meets his new lab pardner.

Rest Area: Prospectors' Trail

Seeing the elephant.

"Reckon you oughta get the doc to prescribe a cream for that itchy trigger finger of yours, Ringo."

"He was the one everyone called 'The Greatest.' Then one day, a stranger turned up in town."

Quantrell's Guerillas and The Lawrence Massacre, Kansas

"We'll be paying for the prairie, the forests, and the streams with this credit card, which is just as good as—if not better than—trinkets."

"There's trouble, boys. Let's pants up and move out!"

"They say it's the last of the really big cattle drives, and I'm just glad I'm here to see it."

The Gun that made the West feel good about itself

"We know the cavalry aren't coming, but if we announce it on Twitter, they'll probably think the cavalry are coming."

"Say, Bart. Ain't that 'Dead-Eye' Jones?"

"Trepanning for gold"

'These new bendy wagons will be handy when pulling em into a circle.'

"What?"

'Careful. He might be packing heat.'

'I'm turning in. Cover me.'