Old-school Robber T-Shirts

"But, Dad, burglary's so last-century. You need to retrain in internet fraud."

Gen-Next Library

The Elliot Ness monster.

'When I asked you to do research for your assignment, I meant the library not on Google!'

Old rocker.

"First they came for the horoscope and the crossword and I did nothing. Then they came for the cartoonists and there was no-one left to satirise it."

'I don't like reading on screen, so I'm printing the internet to look at it later.'

'Oh, hello Dave. Would you like that in untraceable, used notes, like last time?'

"Yes, I was using my mobile whilst driving... I was calling the police to tell them I was chasing a gang of bank robbers!"

"'CPD'...stuff and nonsense, the old ways are fine for me, now pass me a hammer. I need to put this patient out!"

'My battery is dead. How does it end?'

'Computer crime' 'To see your belongings visit our website www,burgular.com'

The Club

"Books are tricky. You can't text with a text book and you can't call with a phone book!"

How can you read that comic strip Blondie? Its about a kinder, simpler time. It's about ancient history. They do the same material over and over. Exactly. I can count on it. Not like your stupid Pearls and Get fuzzy. Oooh, look how angry and edgy they are. They're sooo clever! Your whole gig is being angry and edgy. Look, I'm setting Candorville on fire.

'Oh darling, it is not an ibook, it is only a book.'

"When was this license issued?"

"No, we're not going to reanimate. We're going to sell them to medical schools."

'Lost your kindle in the cab? Try my outdated destined-for-extinction, low-priced print edition.'

"Come on. I always browse the Mom and Pop stores before buying online."

"I think I finally understand inflation."

"Actually, I'm sitting here reading a book—just to see if I can still do it."

'Hold this til Tues and I'll pay you back, squid pro quo.'

"I take it you've never had a bank account before?"

"It's your Grandpa's version of keeping up with technology...reading the papers online."

Keith Richards

"Use the sanitising gel provided and hand over your cash."

'To think what I loved about you was your old-fashionedness.'

'Jake, honey, if you need some cash, my purse is in the kitchen. You already robbed a bank today.'

"I keep it on to remind me that I managed to escape a life of crime before I was in too deep."

"I thought we agreed - no turtlenecks after spring."

The Football Bank Robber.

'I feel useless: My Master has cancelled his newspaper subscription and reads his news online now...'

"So dad, you do know all that stuff happened yesterday, right?"

'Got the money?'