Offspring Gifts

Godzilla's Mom.

'Son, you can cancel your plans to backpack across Europe after graduation. See? Your father put up the old pup tent instead!'

"And that, son, is where chickens come from."

'Son, life as a crab isn't just another day at the beach. Wait, yes it is.'

"Do you want to play doctorate?"

"Chocolate? I can't be allergic to chocolate! I'm a kid, can't you say I'm allergic to spinach or broccoli?"

It is important to give your dog opportunities to play with people.

Young Frank Lloyd Wright

'... And some primitive cultures, believed that 'the great ones' modelled us from clay.'

"Young Frankenstein"

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

'Hurry, wipe it off before Dad comes home!'

Lady taking her little dog to the chemist with a cough

Robot Parts $5

'Isn't that cute! They're thanking us.'

Joey discovers the difference between coffee beans and jelly beans.

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

City Zoo: Day Care

"This isn't exactly what I had in mind when I told you to go outside and play."

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

"To torture an insect or not to torture an insect, that is the question."

"Are you insane?!" The Velveteen Skunk

The Art Student.

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

"Good game."

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

'I'm reading aloud, Jeremy - My lips are SUPPOSED to be moving!'

Butterfly Woman

'Personally, I don't like to play Fetch, but it makes him happy.'

"Just be yourself."

'You may now turn over your paper and begin.' - 'Sir!' - 'Yes?' - 'What is it?' - 'I think Train 'A' and Train 'B' might be going to crash!'

'Let the creepy crawly hunt begin!'

Killer Executive Suits.

'I have this fear of the real world...'

Skipping Horse