Offspring Gifts

Godzilla's Mom.

"Your mom needs to know that you made it here OK, and your dad wants to know if you could use a few bucks."

'Son, you can cancel your plans to backpack across Europe after graduation. See? Your father put up the old pup tent instead!'

He Duplicated T-Shirts; We Litigated

"And that, son, is where chickens come from."

'Son, life as a crab isn't just another day at the beach. Wait, yes it is.'

"No, he's not grounded anymore. He used his allowance and lawyered up."

"Someday, son, all this crap will be yours."

"Do you want to play doctorate?"

It is important to give your dog opportunities to play with people.

Young Frank Lloyd Wright

Monster Baseball. The team's continuing to have some problems this season. Jekyll is good one day and bad the next. Dracula only shows up for night games. The Mummy is always covered in bandages and on the injured list. And King Kong can't keep his mind on the game --- Whenever he sees a pretty woman, he climbs up into the stands after her! At least Frankenstein has been pitching great again, just like when he was young! Yeah, he has a completely new arm!

"Chocolate? I can't be allergic to chocolate! I'm a kid, can't you say I'm allergic to spinach or broccoli?"

'... And some primitive cultures, believed that 'the great ones' modelled us from clay.'

"My granddaughter's first words to me were 'OK, Boomer.' I have no idea what that even means."

"Young Frankenstein"

'Hurry, wipe it off before Dad comes home!'

Lady taking her little dog to the chemist with a cough

Robot Parts $5

'Isn't that cute! They're thanking us.'

"Bark or stare? Always a tough decision. Bark? Maybe stare? Whimper? Maybe? Meanwhile, stare."

City Zoo: Day Care

Joey discovers the difference between coffee beans and jelly beans.

"This isn't exactly what I had in mind when I told you to go outside and play."

"Tell me about this fear of couches."

"Good game."

"Are you insane?!" The Velveteen Skunk

"Can I borrow the car keys?"

The Art Student.

"To torture an insect or not to torture an insect, that is the question."

'Reading, writing and arithmetic are important, son. Someday you might sign autographs for money.'

'I'm reading aloud, Jeremy - My lips are SUPPOSED to be moving!'

'Personally, I don't like to play Fetch, but it makes him happy.'

Butterfly Woman

"Just be yourself."