Office Underdogs Gifts

'I can't figure out whether I'm a secretary or an executive - I do executive work, but get secretarial pay.'

The trauma of losing.

Work Slave

'Sorry, I can't give you a raise. However, I can offer you a splendid opportunity to share the profits.'

'Great job at today's meeting, Dunwoody. You're finally discovering your own voice as a yes-man!'

"I think you'll like this idea-it's sort of 'dull' meets 'inoffensive.' "

The Corporate Rat.

"I did seize the day. But then it seized me right back and used some kind of jujitsu move to flip me on my ass."

Giant merger.

'This resume is incredible. Would you be able to lie this well under pressure?'

David and Goliath.

Business-Class.

'While I'm not looking for the typical 'Yes Man', I want a man who finds it extremely difficult to say 'No' to my suggestions.'

"Take the severance package, Hayward. The rest of the board wanted a ritual slaying."

'This game is going to be a character-building experience.'

Natural Cycles in the Office Environment

'You say he left the office hours ago?'

'Of course you're overworked and underpaid! Didn't you read the fine print in your employee's contract?'

Sandra can you step in here a minute and lie on the floor? And bring a ramp.

"Calm down, I'm just using the rules of modern competition."

"I can't promote you to that position ... you'd be perfect for the job."

Working mother

Cleaner in front of interview panel - 'So what makes you want to apply for the job of Equity Fund Manager?'

'I gave him the old one-two, but then he gave me three, four, five, six, seven and eight!'

Balloons vs. Rockets

'You realize, don't you, that you are playing fast and loose with my self esteem?'

"Hopkins has missed the sales targets for the last time!"

"It's just that sometimes, I feel like I'm on a sinking ship!"

-I once dreamed about carrots and peas,and then bet on two horses the next day called carrots and peas. Guess who won? -Who? -An outsider called mixed vegetables.

Determined to Succeed.

"If your going to get frustrated with your computer and assault it, may I suggest stretching first. You have three pulled muscles."

'I think the only reason my job hasn't been outsourced is because nobody knows what I do around here.'

'You didn't train for this marathon, did you?'

'Formerly the cute blonde in the mail room'