Office Politics Navigator Gifts

Bereaucracy kills.

"So that is unanimous then - nobody has a clue what to do."

"A word to the wise..or is it a word from the wise? I always get it mixed up."

The Team

'Your proposal is innovative but threatens the status quo and therefore, my job. I'm shelving it until I retire.'

'Let's explore our options.'

'I want to discuss communication clarity.'

'If you're not sorry then I'm not sorry. . .but if you're sorry then I'm sorry.'

'Yes, I occasionally make mistakes but, unlike you, I never have to acknowledge them.'

'How come you're taking credit for work I do?'

Innovative Personnel Only

'You have to run full speed just to stay even.'

'She finally made employee of the month but she paid the ultimate price.'

"Good news, Henderson. . . You'll be taking over Farnsworth's Accounts!"

"Tell the vice presidents they've downsized enough."

"Do you have a minute, Bob? I'd like to speak with you about the concept of 'leadership'."

"I'm meeting my boss here in about a half hour. Three more of these and I just might be able to tolerate him."

"You need to stop taking your work home with you. Take mine instead."

Keep Calm and Cover Your Ass

'...and FRIENDS, say goodbye to FRIENDS. Everyone is out to stab you in the back, don't expect loyalty, I don't even trust my sodding wife anymore!'

'We should initiate a program of retirement incentives. We started with a team of young turks and now we have a bunch of old turkeys.'

JC Yomp & Assocites: Semi-professional SCAPEGOATS...24 hr daily.

"Duct tape fixes leaks in the office, too."

'I need you to be more MORE DECISIVE when agreeing with me.'

'The boss actually looked warm and fuzzy getting on the bus...but it was just steam from the manhole cover.'

'The 'insourcing' will go ahead and some jobs will be off to Leeds or Manchester, but I think I'll be safe...'

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

A fight in the Boardroom.

'Believe me, I know transformation isn't easy. I pulled a muscle once.'

Company sales forecast mirrors the weather

"Welcome aboard. We will endeavor to treat you with dignity and respect. Now get you and your stupid face out of my office."

"That one shows our office cliques."

'Need I remind you who's boss here?'

'When training my son, keep him totally ignorant. I'm grooming him to be VP in-charge-of -denials.'

Not a surprise, coming from the new boss - who looks about 6 years old.