Office Party Skeptic Gifts

"These office parties are overrated. The stupid comments, idle chit chat, dumb looks...just like any old work day."

"You're invited to our management excursion. Come dresses as a pinata."

'Why is it that nothing ever gets done at these meetings?'

"So what kind of mood is he in?"

"The good news is you’re the only one we’re not firing ... the bad news is you’re the only one to run the department."

'Surely you wouldn't want me to laugh at your joke if I didn't think it was funny!'

"This is a merit-based organization! Can't you see I’ve hired the very best and most qualified yes-men money can buy?"

"This position has become very important to the company."

"Can I savor this for a few moments? The ball's never been in my court before!"

Brian wanted to call the presentation "Synergy". Paula wanted to call it "Cooperation". They could never agree.

"Well, ordinary men have colleagues. Successful men have victims."

Project Length As Measured In Dog Years

"Yeah, but that one's a little bit hard to reach."

"I was just going to say, 'Well, I don't make the rules.' But, of course, I do make the rules."

'That's our mission statement.'

"I don't want a G.O.A.T, I want a S.C.A.P.E.G.O.A.T."

"Peter's Joint Head of Communications."

"So we are agreed then, most of the targets we've set staff are completely unreasonable and we should just scrap them."

'I'm glad you guys could work this out in a reasonable manner.'

"I'm expert at sniffing out blame."

So which rung are you on my corporate ladder?

'Yes, I know there's a deadline on this project.'

"'Quid pro quo' is a no-no, Bradbury. Around here we say 'reciprocal altruism'."

Businessman on stilts: 'I had to step over a lot of people to get where I am today.'

'Don't think of it as being a yes man, think of it as being an employed man.'

'The efficiency expert's recommendation is we drink more coffee!'

"I spent all day learning productivity hacks"

"Shall we start with an icebreaker?"

'The lads at the office still talk about the day you told the boss what to do with his job...'

21st century water cooler conversations.

"I believe we've found the weakest link."

'No, your guess isn't as good as mine.'

"I don't care if you are the Immediate Gratification Generation. Get out of my chair and back to the mailroom."

"Don't forget to leave me a wakeup call so I can get the worm!"

"The meeting will come to order."