Party Skeptic Gifts

'Man, I hate these 'drinks and nibbles' parties.'

New Year's Eve -we are overwhelmed with excitement.

"I hope this isn't another holiday event we won't be able to forget."

Chritmas Party - "What in our own time?"

"You're still here. So much for wishes."

The devil you know and his plus one

"As Gregor Samsa awoke one morning from restless dreams, transformed into a monstrous vermin, he thought to himself: never again bourbon and tequila in the same night, and this time, I mean it."

'No thanks, I don't drink when I'm driving home a point about investing.'

Politicians are from Uranus.

"If your dad is truly the King of the Jungle, why can't you ask him to abolish school?"

"My feeling is that while we should have the deepest respect for reality, we should not let it control our lives."

'You know things are screwed up when people take late-night comedians seriously and politicians as a joke.'

Progress?

"I devote most of my time to defending the bastions of culture."

An Introvert's Guide to Surviving a Party

'You're FLUNKING me? - Doesn't SENIORITY count for anything around here?'

'Can I help it if she's a rotten teacher?'

'Before you go, introduce yourself, so that I know who you were...'

"If you get to be a stay-at-home dad, why can't I be a stay-at-home daughter?"

"What're you doing? Your contract forbids you from watching 'cute baby video' on YouTube."

'Who should be contacted in case of an accident? Why, 911, of course. And these people are going to be teaching my children.'

Vote Grinkley! Now you see him, now you don't.

"Last time I saw you, you were just a baby."

Club insecurity.

'Why does everybody tell lies about me?'

'As long as I stand here I'm safe. . . no stress. . . no pressure. . . no need to impress. . . I can just relax and be who I am. . .'

Documentation Please

'No 'Natural Environment,' next 127 miles - Govt. test study.'

"It's all good – but some of it is better."

"Personally, this child would love to be 'left behind.'"

"What's the point of school? We can just look all this stuff up on wikipedia."

Why don't we invite Hypothesis? It's always a good idea to have an educated guest… Party List. Mesomides. Loxias. Anaximenes. Thales.

"Oh I don't think it's as bad as all that. In fact, I think we're in the golden age of something which we won't even realize it's the golden age of until many years from now."

'Before I read the investment committee's report - I would remind everyone that I never asked to be on this damn committee.'

Yakademic: An academic who has been describing their research since they were asked about it over 20 minutes ago.