Office Banter Champion Pillows

"I've always feared this day would come. I'm running out of snarky replies."

"Peter's Joint Head of Communications."

'Yes, I know there's a deadline on this project.'

Trays on desk read, 'Here', 'There' and, 'Neither here nor there.'

"You're hired. Now, I'll show you your desk, the break room, and the dented wall you're allowed to beat your head against."

"Yes, we do accept resumes online, but there's more to it than giving me your computer with your resume on it."

'I hate bloody football! It's just a bunch of over-rated, overpaid nancy boys kicking a b-' - 'Genuine football fans may leave work early to avoid missing the start of important World Cup fixtures.' - 'C'mon England!'

"When you're nailing the numbers, they don't ask questions."

'It's signed by the entire office. You're not too popular areound here, are you?'

'If executive bonuses are outlawed, only outlaws will have bonuses.'

"Every day is Monday." "Except Friday."

'I thought the memo was quite clear. What part didn't you understand?'

'Your advert didn't say anything about intelligence... it said you wanted a manager!'

'We're like one big family tree... that's why everyone is in therapy.'

"I had considered hyphenating my last name, but now I'm leaning towards and underscore."

Corp H.Q. In the corporate world, do you it's what you know or who you know? Neither, it's what you know about who.

When you talk about my debt to society, I thought that only referred to criminals.

"Which 'ism' am I this week, Ms. Trotter?"

"Got your e-mail and the answer is yes, I can pass you the stapler."

Pig and chicken asking for milk from cow, who replies: 'Sorry, I already gave at the office.'

"Have you heard of Murphy's Law 2.0? It's anything that could possibly go wrong often does...as well as a thing or two that couldn't possibly go wrong."

'The boss is just a carrier - he doesn't get panic attacks, he just gives panic attacks!'

'Wilson, I'll need you to make high pitched screeching noises until I get this modem working properly.'

"Until we get more employees to join, we'll just have to roll with the paunches."

"Julie...would you cancel my 4 o'clock please...?"

Now see, we couldn't have this kind of fun, if we met online.

'Seems like everyday is bring your work to work day.'

'Why do you want a career in the bank?'

"I hope your day is going bad."

Isn't that a surveillance camera?

' And just when you thought it couldn't get any worse...'

'I want you guys to be aware that a dog-eat-dog environment works for me.'

'Have a great day, but not at my expense.'

"I have the kids Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. She has them Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. Thursday they're free-range.

Full Of Beans