Office Banter Champion Pillows

"I've always feared this day would come. I'm running out of snarky replies."

'Yes, I know there's a deadline on this project.'

Trays on desk read, 'Here', 'There' and, 'Neither here nor there.'

"You're hired. Now, I'll show you your desk, the break room, and the dented wall you're allowed to beat your head against."

"Yes, we do accept resumes online, but there's more to it than giving me your computer with your resume on it."

"When you're nailing the numbers, they don't ask questions."

"Every day is Monday." "Except Friday."

'If executive bonuses are outlawed, only outlaws will have bonuses.'

'It's signed by the entire office. You're not too popular areound here, are you?'

'I thought the memo was quite clear. What part didn't you understand?'

'Your advert didn't say anything about intelligence... it said you wanted a manager!'

When you talk about my debt to society, I thought that only referred to criminals.

"I had considered hyphenating my last name, but now I'm leaning towards and underscore."

'We're like one big family tree... that's why everyone is in therapy.'

"Which 'ism' am I this week, Ms. Trotter?"

"Got your e-mail and the answer is yes, I can pass you the stapler."

'The boss is just a carrier - he doesn't get panic attacks, he just gives panic attacks!'

"Have you heard of Murphy's Law 2.0? It's anything that could possibly go wrong often does...as well as a thing or two that couldn't possibly go wrong."

"Julie...would you cancel my 4 o'clock please...?"

"Until we get more employees to join, we'll just have to roll with the paunches."

'Wilson, I'll need you to make high pitched screeching noises until I get this modem working properly.'

Now see, we couldn't have this kind of fun, if we met online.

'Why do you want a career in the bank?'

'Seems like everyday is bring your work to work day.'

Isn't that a surveillance camera?

"I hope your day is going bad."

' And just when you thought it couldn't get any worse...'

'I want you guys to be aware that a dog-eat-dog environment works for me.'

'Have a great day, but not at my expense.'

"I have the kids Friday, Saturday, and Sunday. She has them Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. Thursday they're free-range.

"I miss the old water cooler."

'If looks could sue, eh, Walt?'