Ocean Jesters Pillows

"Your 'Low On Ink' light is lit."

"Run for your lives! The sea level is rising at the rate of about 1 foot per century!"

"I hate performance review season."

'Oh, just chuck it in a corner somewhere...'

"I'm the Class Clown fish."

'I was just beginning to think about my portfolio. Now you're telling me to rethink it.'

"And that, gentlemen, is the Friday 4.55 pm Bad News Email Dump."

"As a courtesy for the inconvenience, please accept a voucher for three additional hours of your life, redeemable upon your death."

Pie chart of pub conversations

'I thought your new year's resolution was to get the monkey off your back!'

'The blond guy is a forward and the other guy is a wing.'

An Early Ventriloquist Meets His Future Dummy

"Intern? Oh, no. He wandered in from our day care center."

'Congratulations, you're now man and wife. You may club the bride. '

'This is your idea of converting your boat to a sailboat, a sheet? And while we're on the topic, is that one of my good sheets?'

'Can we have a table near a handsome man please?'

'It must be a milkfish.'

'Be careful. The plate is hot!'

"Let's see how brave you are without your gun."

Jeff hated performance reviews.

'Sorry, kids, I forgot we live in Michigan.'

'We must be nearing land. It's a discount coupon from the island's mall.'

Intimacy - Breeding Ground for Mutual Grooming.

"To the most beautiful girl in the world... Happy Valentine's Day!"

"Sir, Sparky is here for his 3:00 pm throw."

'How do you like this one?...Inflatable dart board.'

"I'll have my people call your people."

'I ran with them once.'

'He must be the real Santa... He was the only sober guy at the Xmas party!'

"He damaged a nerve when he pulled the thorn out. I'd have had a surefire malpractice suit if I hadn't eaten him."

Work/Life Balance.

'Did he leave an actual horoscope that I could read?'

Don't be such a poor loser. You knew this would happen when you lost the Flopsies account !

'Yes, they do contain e-numbers - But they're e-numbers that make you feel amorous!'

'I'm not complaining, but the last time you took me out to dinner, Colonel Sanders was a brunette!'