Occult Comedian T-Shirts

"Oh, sorry—I think I just butt-summoned you."

"Our light bill is astronomical living next to a black hole."

"Don't worry, they normally look like little humans during the early scans."

You too?! I go around feeling half asleep all the time also!

"Houston, we have a problem."

C'mon, it'll be fun! I'll throw on some stars, pop in a few planets, drum up a life form or two, and this place will be hoppin'! The Big Shebang Theory.

"Up here, light is neither a particle nor a wave. It's a liquid."

Physician tending a mummy.

'You forgot to pay the gravity bill, didn't you?'

"On the eighth day, God found a lot of assembly parts left over."

"Stupid map ... that dot must cover 10,000 cubic light years."

"Hey! If you're here to marvel at the smallness of your existence within a glorious, vast and unknowable universe, there's a line!"

'Gravity...Go figure!'

"Honestly, I didn't know your wife was in the shower."

'I met my wife in unfortunate circumstances. I was single.'

'I don't know which was prettier - the meteor shower or the cascade of flaming space junk.'

'You caught it, you gut it!'

"I've heard that seeing the earth from outer space can really change your perspective. I couldn't agree more."

"I told you. . . use your inside miming."

Optimist

"Of course it's alien abductions! How else would you explain the, 'November Phenomenon'?"

'And at what stage did you realise the ball you were heading was on the TV?'

That's all very well sir, but is it full strength, low fat, high calcium or soy?

STRIP God' s dog urinating on planet Earth

Science fiction fans on other planets

The Origins of Everything

'The results of your physical exam are fine, except for your reflexes: They're more 'dog-like' than 'cat-like'.'

"I thought the cake came out awfully dense."

"Staring down the enemy in the heat of battle! That is how sausage is made!"

Alien flies in a spaceship out of a postbox.

Shoot For The Moon

'He's normally not affectionate, but he's really taken a liking to you!'

'No not there. Let's try it over here this time...'

'Boy, does this ever shoot holes in the old Big Bang Theory!'

"She's a dachshund-lemming mix."