Obesity Observers T-Shirts

"How much do you want to lose?"

"On a more positive note the guidance we’ve published on the services we can’t provide is published in 37 different languages."

"Say, when did you get so fluff?"

'Hey everybody, I've decided to stop doing landscape drawings, and start doing caricatures of my fellow passengers.'

"Hair spray"

Gym. It doesn't help when you call the ab workout a "journey to the center of the girth."

"I've been wondering if there isn't some way we could capitalize on the cat craze."

How many workers does it take to put up a Christmas decoration?

"I love people-watching."

Phrenological matrimonial bureau

"To the most beautiful girl in the world... Happy Valentine's Day!"

Our occupations? I am a student of The Contemporary Scene and my friend, here is an observer of The Passing Parade.

"No wonder he's so skinny - he eats like a bird."

'Why John, I remember you when you were this high.'

Signs that colas are making you fat. . .

This is great, Ernie! Photoshopping pictures is a lot easier than dieting!

"Bob was raised in the wilderness by salmon."

"Not so much fun being people-watched back, eh?"

'I eat plenty of fast food, but I just seem to be getting slower and slower!'

"You'll have to speak up. I'm very loud in here."

Camel Visits the Plastic Surgeon

'There, but for liposuction, go I.'

Fat kids in football T-shirts, Rooney and Ronaldo. Man says: 'It's good for kids to have sport role models.'

"I can still fit into my high-school kayak."

'Alec does alright for a bloke with no chat lines!'

'You're obese.'

"I read in the paper that I'm fat and that you've got to sort it out!"

How does this sound? 'The generous pay award reflects the additional responsibilities, workload and stress of the Chief Executive's position.

"If it's vegan, gluten-free and low-carb, then yes, Polly wants a cracker."

"And it's diet-friendly, I get them to hold off on the sprinkles."

'Why do old people always hang around all day in bus shelters?'

"I guess you could say my life is boring. Last night I binge watched my husband's hair recede."

"Oh. Sorry for yelling. I thought you were much farther away."

'It's like going on a diet. You don't get fat overnight, so you can't expect to lose it all overnight.'

'Hey Lardo! You haven't weighed ourself for a week now.'