Weight-watching Observer T-Shirts

This is great, Ernie! Photoshopping pictures is a lot easier than dieting!

"I hate it when the damned things decide they need to get out and burn off some calories."

"Are these prices?" "No, that's our Calorie-fixe menu."

'According to the weight chart, if you were a condor, you'd have a wingspan of 97 feet.'

'For heaven's sake, Lois, when are you going to give up this mad dieting of yours?' (woman falls through drain).

"Wow - Heavy, man"

'Too many people in our state are overweight, Senator. They want fat-free pork.'

"I thought you said I needed to get some 'extra size'."

'Take one of these diet pills every time you regain consciousness.'

"Yes, if that towel weighs 25 lbs that would explain the reading."

'Humans seem to be so weight-conscious: My rider weighs himself before each race...'

Woman Weighing Herself on Two Scales.

Dieting Motivation.

Gym. It doesn't help when you call the ab workout a "journey to the center of the girth."

"Hold on, hun... I'm just saying, losing four ounces in a month is better than gaining four ounces in a month!"

'Let me at it! Let me see!!'

Woman weighing herself while holding balloons

'How long has it been shaking like a bowl full of jelly when you laugh?'

'I'm putting you on a 'whatever tastes good, don't eat it' diet.'

'Good. Then there's no reason to stay on this diet any longer.'

Fat man on scales.

Scales

'You strap it on and it monitors your eating habits -- it's called the 'Fudgebuster.''

"Would you buy the apple pie for me? I'm on the 'No You Don't!' Diet."

"I've been on a diet for 5 weeks and can safely tell you that I've lost 5 weeks."

No matter what I do, I still look more like a 'before' picture than an 'after' picture.

Full fatHalf fatVirtually fat free.

"I gained 10 pounds? I've brought my own bathroom scale for a second opinion."

"Are you sure? It doesn't look like a diet pill!"

Weight Gain Denial

"Well, Mr Eagle, coming to see me is the first positive step to get you to soar again..."

Unfortunately my weight is like the stock market. In the short run it goes up and down, but over the long term in keeps reaching new heights.

'Oh, for heaven sake, Emily. . . stop cheating and just go on a diet like everyone else!!!'

Snake liposuction.

'Please have the bouncer throw me out before the dessert course.'