Nutritional Balance Gifts

'Wait! First count to ten. Then start counting calories.'

"She's fine. She just needs some tofu."

"What did you say about the health of my gut biome?"

"See? I told you changing his food would be traumatizing."

"Good For You / Bad For You"

"Better bring me another cookie. The last one fell in the water."

"Do you guys serve beer?"

'You've hit the fitness plateau.'

You only have time for one: Choose your fighter - Exercise, Wash Your Hair, Eat, Breathe

"Where do we put Desserts?"

But is it organic?

Raw food, after you leave for work.

"Our Summer Citrus IPA contains your full daily requirement of fruit and fiber."

'No, honestly, it's just diet and exercise.'

"Too much sugar."

"Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Good cholesterol, bad cholesterol. Finally, I cracked."

Bad for you but to die for

Newton discovers gravity and apple sauce in the same day.

'The dietician told him to increase his roughage!'

'Table scraps, doggie-bag goodies, dropped hot dogs, the cat's dish of food and your master's slippers.'

'Like death by salad.'

'But Mom, I like potatoes in their jackets.'

"And we are proud to say we only use the freshest artificial ingredients."

'Eat less. Drink less. Be merry more.'

Good Cop/Bad Cholesterol

"Winter is coming, and there will be months without much sunshine, so it's important that you take your vitamin D supplement Darling..."

"You're a strong, virile stallion of a man, Randy. Has anyone ever told you that?"

Always empty your fridge before starting a diet.

Studies show foods work miracles!

"Can you come back? We're still counting carbs."

'Congratulations on your 100% plant-based diet. I'm referring you to a botanist.'

'Be honest. Does this double bacon cheeseburger with large fries and shake make me look fat?'

'I'm a vegetarian.' - 'If it's so wrong to eat animals, why are they made out of meat?'

'Protein, starch, vegetable??? When you said 'square meal' I thought PIZZA IN A BOX!'