Nursery Rhyme Revisionist Pillows

"The true story"

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

'Houston, I'm prepared to land...'

"Go ahead and eat her, she's a pain in the a**."

CSI: Mother Goose Unit...'Hmmm...I'm beginning to suspect that perhaps mister Dumpty's demise wasn't simply a tragic accident.'

'Are you made of sugar?'

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

Round up all the king's horses and all the king's men for questioning.

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

"The spoon, he ran away with the goddam spoon."

The Hey Diddle Diddle Orchestra

"You're lost. This is Mom's apple pie."

"... And this one needs a shot of vodka."

"You'll have to help out here more. I pulled a hammy jumping over the moon."

"Well, that one got away."

'Henrietta is so self-confident.'

'She barely made it out of the atmosphere... next!'

'Listen up, Baskerville! This is MacDonald! Those hounds of yours are scaring the E-I-E-I-O out of my animals!'

"A whack, whack here. A whack, whack there. Here a whack, there a whack. Everywhere a whack, whack."

Jack Finds The Giant Grilling At His Giant Grill

Old Lady in shoe driving a footie (sock) car.

"So, when he says, 'What a good boy am I,' Jack is really reinforcing his self-esteem."

Humpty Dumpty goes bungee jumping.

Old Mother Goose Nursery Rhymes

Rockabye Baby- $10/hour.

'You were right Doc: Jumping over the monn did boost my self esteem!'

"And if that diamond ring don’t shine, Poppa will probably take it back to 47th Street and get something for your mother."

"It's a cow thing. You wouldn't understand."

"You can’t just go up the waterspout whenever you hear something you don’t like!"

'Hurray for indoor plumbing!'

Chicken Little Inc. Pecking Order.

"Only one pailful? Did they have water restrictions like we do?"

"Damn! I'm in the wrong fairy tale. This is the three little pig's house, not the three bear's!"

'And you're telling me this, why?'