Nursery Rhyme Narrator Pillows

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

'The Search ended today when the authorities traced the runaway pair. . .'

'We learned in school today that Johnny Appleseed was an environmental activist.'

"A COW jumped over the moon? DO Bezos and Branson know about this?"

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

"Go ahead and eat her, she's a pain in the a**."

'Houston, I'm prepared to land...'

CSI: Mother Goose Unit...'Hmmm...I'm beginning to suspect that perhaps mister Dumpty's demise wasn't simply a tragic accident.'

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

Round up all the king's horses and all the king's men for questioning.

'Are you made of sugar?'

Cow jumping over the moonshine.

The Hey Diddle Diddle Orchestra

"The spoon, he ran away with the goddam spoon."

Need a Qualified Adult for Pooh Sticks

"You're lost. This is Mom's apple pie."

'I knew things were getting out of hand when I went from snips, to snails, to puppy dogs tails....'

"Well, that one got away."

"A whack, whack here. A whack, whack there. Here a whack, there a whack. Everywhere a whack, whack."

'Listen up, Baskerville! This is MacDonald! Those hounds of yours are scaring the E-I-E-I-O out of my animals!'

'She barely made it out of the atmosphere... next!'

"You'll have to help out here more. I pulled a hammy jumping over the moon."

'Henrietta is so self-confident.'

Old Lady in shoe driving a footie (sock) car.

"So, when he says, 'What a good boy am I,' Jack is really reinforcing his self-esteem."

Humpty Dumpty goes bungee jumping.

Rockabye Baby- $10/hour.

Old Mother Goose Nursery Rhymes

'You were right Doc: Jumping over the monn did boost my self esteem!'

"Only one pailful? Did they have water restrictions like we do?"

"It's a cow thing. You wouldn't understand."

"Damn! I'm in the wrong fairy tale. This is the three little pig's house, not the three bear's!"

"You can’t just go up the waterspout whenever you hear something you don’t like!"

If you're happy and you know it...

'And you're telling me this, why?'