Nursery Rhyme Detractor Pillows

'The cow jumped over the moon? The mouse ran up the clock? Steroids, right?'

"And the last little piggy cried, 'Oui, oui, oui' all the way home."

'Houston, I'm prepared to land...'

CSI: Mother Goose Unit...'Hmmm...I'm beginning to suspect that perhaps mister Dumpty's demise wasn't simply a tragic accident.'

"Jack and Jill went up the hill to fetch a pail of water. Jack fell down, broke his crown and Jill said 'I told you so'."

'Are you made of sugar?'

Round up all the king's horses and all the king's men for questioning.

Baby's first thought...Daddy's a moron.

The Hey Diddle Diddle Orchestra

"The spoon, he ran away with the goddam spoon."

Need a Qualified Adult for Pooh Sticks

"You're lost. This is Mom's apple pie."

'She barely made it out of the atmosphere... next!'

"You'll have to help out here more. I pulled a hammy jumping over the moon."

"Well, that one got away."

'Listen up, Baskerville! This is MacDonald! Those hounds of yours are scaring the E-I-E-I-O out of my animals!'

'Henrietta is so self-confident.'

Jack Finds The Giant Grilling At His Giant Grill

"A whack, whack here. A whack, whack there. Here a whack, there a whack. Everywhere a whack, whack."

Old Lady in shoe driving a footie (sock) car.

Humpty Dumpty goes bungee jumping.

"So, when he says, 'What a good boy am I,' Jack is really reinforcing his self-esteem."

'You were right Doc: Jumping over the monn did boost my self esteem!'

Rockabye Baby- $10/hour.

Old Mother Goose Nursery Rhymes

'And you're telling me this, why?'

If you're happy and you know it...

'Hurray for indoor plumbing!'

"You can’t just go up the waterspout whenever you hear something you don’t like!"

"Damn! I'm in the wrong fairy tale. This is the three little pig's house, not the three bear's!"

"It's a cow thing. You wouldn't understand."

"Only one pailful? Did they have water restrictions like we do?"

Chicken Little Inc. Pecking Order.

'Do I like kids? You bet I do: I deliver babies for a living...'