Novelty Hobbyist T-Shirts

'My psychiatrist told me to take up a hobby, so I became a psychiatrist.'

'You're going to have to make some changes in your lifestyle.'

"Is this the first time you've been fishing?"

Pipe Smoker of the Year Awards.

'Well, at least it has bubbles.'

'The only problem is they're glued together. So I can't see the watch...or change the dead calculator batteries, but it's guaranteed for life...'

'Now what?!'

'Cool!! Your Dad lets you take accordian lessons??!!'

'The valentine card I gave you talks, plays music and flashes lights! Who cares about the message???'

"I got it in a novelty shop. But it has decreased loitering around the watercooler with 29%!"

'It even tells time in metric minutes.'

Silver Sufferer - husband looking at steam trains on the internet, wife bored in background

Casual skydiving.

'Mr. Barnes has been riding his motorcycle, so he's a little behind on his paperwork. If you'll take a seat, he should be with you in a few hours.'

'I did say we were going to give you transport...I didn't say what sort!'

Thinks Bob: At last, the most practical house pet since the goldfish.

Man Watches Live Feed of his Aquarium on Television

"I didn't waste lockdown. I did my own facelift."

"He must like you. He wants you to share his whoopie cushion."

Person Reading For Pleasure

"Yep, that's it - seven pages, I only write what I know."

'Yes dear, matching novelty t-shirts.'

'Turkey dot com.'

'Could I borrow your giant scissors for a minute? I cancelled payment on this giant check and I need to cut it up.'

Surprise

Once the other reindeer had LED noses fitted, they went back to making fun of poor Rudolph again.

"This is where DIY projects go to die."

Recombinant DNA

'It's new, Dental armor, Everything I need for any procedure is right here,'

"Thanks for letting me borrow the car, Dad. And would you mind speaking with the police outside?"

'Welcome stockholders of 'Worldwide Novelty Products'.'

"Are. You. Ready. To. Weeeeave?"

"Fifty bucks and I'll tow it to the nearest novelty shop."

Drinking Bird and Fishbowl

Man climbing mountain with sink plungers.