Notre Dame Pillows

Batman at the Maternity Ward

She Persisted (But it was a Weekend)

'How can two plus three equal five? Yesterday you said one plus four equal five.'

'And He sayeth unto me, 'Behold this second set of my commandments, rendered in stone, large-print edition...''

"It's a game where we roll the dice to see which destination wedding we should spend our savings on this year."

"Are you sure that this is really the way? I thought there was a staircase or highway?" "Maybe we should just go back down and pray!"

Cut out and keep your own Baby Jesus.

"Of course being celibate, all my advice is second-hand via the internet..."

"I hate these walkabouts. Did you remember to get me some corn plasters?"

'When I was a student, wireless data transmission meant passing notes in class.'

"I hate it when the baby f**ks my face."

'Can you demonstrate yet again before my party next week?'

'Blessed before 20/01/00'

"Woo! Three new followers!"

Snake charmer charms snake into the shape of a treble clef.

"Wait! We'll solve this another way. Get out your phone's calculator!"

The Forgotten Fourth King

'Relax pal, I'm just a fan.'

'That is the businessman's lunch, sir -- coffee and Prozac.'

A Partridge in a Pear Tree

"Tech support say I should switch it off, leave the building and never come back!"

If flies went to church

"Actually I'm with intelligence, but at the moment I'm working undercover."

"Having a new baby can make you feel a bit tired, sometimes you forget things."

"You're a good listener."

'Move over, Sally. I'm the computer burnout of the family now.'

I just can't head-bang the way I used to.