Nostalgic Novelties Mugs

"It's your Grandpa's version of keeping up with technology...reading the papers online."

The Original pet rock

"You just put it in the slot - you don't to push the 'send' key!"

"I don't care about the rating on Goodreads. We're reading Cinderella!"

Trilby - 'The old studio'.

Paul goes home for the holidays

'It's worse than we thought: You've got termites.'

"We've intended to ask you about it for some time, Doctor, but never got around to it."

Print Suicide

'It's a book, Sweetie - it doesn't have any ram!'

'Lost Diary'

"Hi Mom...do you remember in which grade I was given an award for my excellent performance of the song about little ducks?"

"This house has been in my family for a considerable period of time."

Every time I get a postcard from your brother, I regret that I carved him out of driftwood.

'Humph! When I was your age, I had to do my homework in front of a black and white.'

Old Man Journal

"Remember the days we could drink and party all night and we thought guys in their 50's were old geezers?"

'I must admit, this family reunion hasn't really lived up to my expectations.'

Old cold warriors home: 'By god, I'll tell you who was soft on communism. . .'

Bookshop: Closed, Coming Soon Here Internet Cafe.

'I'm so glad this bedtime story comes in audio.'

Bib's E-Book Readers.

"Police dramas just aren't what they used to be."

'To me a re-run is only something I've already seen this morning.'

Bertie Wooster type teaching a parrot to talk

My mom says this story is a "real page turner." I have no idea what she means by that.

'Come on...no one would be dumb enough to buy those in a million years!'

Homer

"It was a long afternoon with granddad. I got five 'I remember whens' and three 'When I was your age...'."

"My jacket blurbs used to have such conviction, he thought to himself wistfully."

Looking back, I should have said yes when Sophia Loren asked me to elope. Eventually, even hindsight isn't 20/20.

'I used to have women lined up. Married, unmarried - it didn't matter. Ah, forget it. Another round. Skim.'

Mom's high school diary really cracked everyone up at Show and Tell.

"Now when I was a lad..."

"DOES YOUR DAD ALWAYS GO ON ABOUT SOME STUFF THAT DOESN'T GROW ON TREES."