Nostalgic Mathematician T-Shirts

"Frank, I need your help. The computers are down, but I was told you know how to multiply two numbers together."

'In case of computer bug break glass.'

Ten Plagues for Today's Seder

Toy Shops and Educated Children

"Well, you say it's wrong, but it could be correct in an alternative universe."

"And anyway we'd be no good in bed - I've done the math."

'I've crunched the numbers and you can afford to increase my allowance by 15.5%.'

Wizard of Oz - repeat fees

"I love the equation that describes the slope of your nose."

How Grandma Sees the Remote

The End of the World is postponed from 2000 to 2112.

"Back in my day, kids had a little respect for the law of gravity."

'Call Me Old-Fashioned, But I Liked It Better When They Didn't Shave Their Armpits.'

'Remember the good old days when the research department consisted of some studious types with a stack of annual reports?'

'Oh, Wow! You write math books? That's wonderful! Where do you get your ideas?'

'Sir, we need to upgrade our technology. We've used up our last roll of ticker tape.'

"I enjoy books a lot more now that I can consistently color inside the lines."

'Do you feel as foolish as I do, having a conference with Billy's teaching machine?'

"That's where the tenured faculty members hang out."

Post Office: Why Not E-Mail It?

"Gentlemen, on my signal, walk ten paces, turn around, and try to remember why you came out here."

'Someday, when our pre-frontal cortexes are fully developed, we'll look back on this and shake our heads.'

"They make us learn reading, writing, and arithmetic to prepare us for a world of videotapes, computer terminals and calculators."

They all thought they'd be astronauts...instead they're all accountants.

'Dad's old school teacher was really strict. He still has to go back every night, to finish his detention!'

Warning: Contents may settle over time.

"This is the coldest winter I can remember."

"Big choices today Mr. retired board of directors. 2 ply or 3 ply?"

When he was 16, Ed's dad gave him his choice between a car and a computer. Now he sits, busted down, far from the edge of the info superhighway!

Math/After Math

"I worry about today's kids, all they want to do is sit in the cave and stare at the fire."

Golden Oldies: "Hey! Remember this great chart from the nineties?"

'How about if we choose teams based on who has the coolest stamp collection.'

Mathematics.