Nostalgic Conversationalist Pillows

'I miss the good old days when all we had to worry about was nouns and verbs.'

"Of course we've already had this conversation. There isn't a conversation we haven't already had."

Classic Inanity Was Much More Fun

"Meanwhile, in the Memory Care Unit... I said, your secret’s safe with me."

Ten Plagues for Today's Seder

"Hipsters"

Toy Shops and Educated Children

Now that we've invented language, let's talk about our relationship.

Letter Collecting Nerd

'It's worse than we thought: You've got termites.'

Pet Shop - Parrot labeled as 'Good Listener'

"Trump vs Biden. Chiefs vs 49ers. On the brink of war with Iran. Didn't we do this all in 2020?"

Kindergarten. Today; Simon Says. I don't know who this "Simon Says" is, but he could make a killing in product endorsements!

"Well, Mr. Goddam Fancy-Pants Small-Town-Expose hot shot! What makes you think we don't all have lusty, kiss-and-tell memoirs boiling away inside us?"

Wizard of Oz - repeat fees

"We've intended to ask you about it for some time, Doctor, but never got around to it."

How Grandma Sees the Remote

"Back in my day, kids had a little respect for the law of gravity."

"I've learned from the past. Now can we move on?"

'Call Me Old-Fashioned, But I Liked It Better When They Didn't Shave Their Armpits.'

Man hitting a TV and going out of focus himself.

'Lost Diary'

'Remember the good old days when the research department consisted of some studious types with a stack of annual reports?'

"Hi..just ringing to see if you got my e-mail?"

"Hi Mom...do you remember in which grade I was given an award for my excellent performance of the song about little ducks?"

'Sir, we need to upgrade our technology. We've used up our last roll of ticker tape.'

'Do you feel as foolish as I do, having a conference with Billy's teaching machine?'

Mr Briggs's Pleasures of Horsekeeping - No. X.

"I enjoy books a lot more now that I can consistently color inside the lines."

"This house has been in my family for a considerable period of time."

Old Man Journal

Post Office: Why Not E-Mail It?

Every time I get a postcard from your brother, I regret that I carved him out of driftwood.

Old cold warriors home: 'By god, I'll tell you who was soft on communism. . .'

Student: 'Is the medical marijuana thing a grass-roots movement?'