Nostalgic Scholar Pillows

'Dad's old school teacher was really strict. He still has to go back every night, to finish his detention!'

Warning: Contents may settle over time.

"The year may be over, but it'll be dragged back up on history tests for years to come."

In deference to the inevitable outcome of the digital age, Derek writes the final paper.

"Sorry Santa, I DO want to go to school."

'No, it's not open to people who took ten years to graduate.'

"Reading, Writing and Arithmetic. I was hoping we were transferring to more of a party school!"

"I don't care about the rating on Goodreads. We're reading Cinderella!"

Ten Plagues for Today's Seder

Toy Shops and Educated Children

Letter Collecting Nerd

Kindergarten. Today; Simon Says. I don't know who this "Simon Says" is, but he could make a killing in product endorsements!

"Trump vs Biden. Chiefs vs 49ers. On the brink of war with Iran. Didn't we do this all in 2020?"

Wizard of Oz - repeat fees

"The first week of school is just review. You know. Scenes from last year's episode."

How Grandma Sees the Remote

The End of the World is postponed from 2000 to 2112.

"Back in my day, kids had a little respect for the law of gravity."

'Call Me Old-Fashioned, But I Liked It Better When They Didn't Shave Their Armpits.'

Print Suicide

'Lost Diary'

'Remember the good old days when the research department consisted of some studious types with a stack of annual reports?'

'Sir, we need to upgrade our technology. We've used up our last roll of ticker tape.'

"I enjoy books a lot more now that I can consistently color inside the lines."

'Do you feel as foolish as I do, having a conference with Billy's teaching machine?'

"That's where the tenured faculty members hang out."

Post Office: Why Not E-Mail It?

"I must be getting old. I've forgotten why I came down the stairs."

"Gentlemen, on my signal, walk ten paces, turn around, and try to remember why you came out here."

Lambs to the Slaughter

'Someday, when our pre-frontal cortexes are fully developed, we'll look back on this and shake our heads.'

"They make us learn reading, writing, and arithmetic to prepare us for a world of videotapes, computer terminals and calculators."

'I'm so glad this bedtime story comes in audio.'

They all thought they'd be astronauts...instead they're all accountants.

My mom says this story is a "real page turner." I have no idea what she means by that.