Nose Aficionado T-Shirts

'I don't know why babies always want to pull my nose.'

"Your best bet is photoshop."

'Well, he's definitely got your nose...'

'This is the worst film noir I've ever seen.'

'The suspense is killing us. Which one is our grandchild?'

Baptism Then and Now

"Ask the gumshoe. He'll tell ya the saucer was empty when I got there. Go on, gimme a purr detector test. I got all night."

Elusive Shadow.

'Help!'

"I'm thinking considerably longer. How about you, Alan?"

"Sinead?!"

'Then again, who says we can't call it a mangelwurzel?'

When Pugs dream.

Savoy Dental Salon

Jim and Betty Noir could turn a simple trip to the post office into gripping melodrama.

Maternity nurse presenting newborn baby with big nose to father with big nose.

'The least you can say is thank you for checking the tides.'

'Aren't they wonderful? And your wife's already named them John and Edward.'

Tooth Fairy sitting with judges at boxing match.

"Gee—it's just like in the movies!"

"Reduce my ears? No, I want to make my nose bigger!"

"Me? I'm just one of those shadowy figures who inhabit the mysterious twilight world where the medical and legal professions meet."

Plastic Surgeon Kid

'Yup, one of the many disadvantages of living in a land locked city.'

"We're for calling it 'Hampton,' but they want to call it 'the Hamptons.' "

'I hope you don't mind sleeping with the fishes, Mister Scarponi?'

I see you share my hatred for hamsters..

"We've been framed."

'Mozart...as your agent I strongly advise against your choice of stage name...'

At the same time, they realized he hadn't put his teeth in, and suddenly the playing field shifted.

'Hi, Honey, I'm homicide...'

"Were our business legitimate, gentlemen, this would be considered legal."

"Lose the tie, Vinnie—we ain't going legit after all."

"My book club is doing some really good noir, though I forget if it's pinot or grenache."