Noodle Navigators Gifts

Chinese noodles.

'So you want an advance on your writer's block?'

"I remember when the death of the hero meant the end of the sequels. Now it marks the beginning of the prequels."

Characters jumping out of a book.

"More rescue efforts, less screenplay."

Library - Political Science section - 'What to do until the spin doctor comes'

"He was the one everyone called 'The Greatest.' Then one day, a stranger turned up in town."

'I'm not being punished! I'm reading because I happen to enjoy reading!'

"We've done a rigorous examination of your business plan using the latest algorithms to model future profits. . . which way up would you like it?"

"What your memoir really needs is an addiction."

The writers group met every Tuesday for support and fellowship.

"That was too many fresh original voices for one night."

"This is an excellent story, Doris, so far."

"I feel that I have at least one more unpublished novel in me."

'Is this your first book launch?'

Writer Services: We fix plot holes.

A book reviewer reads between the margins.

"I'm not spinning - I'm contextualizing."

"...And I like how you switched from the first person narrative to third person—impressive." "Thanks."

'It's good of you to go out of your way to show me what not to do, Mum.'

"It all happened so fast. 'Notable Book of the Year' to the remainder shelves to HERE in just six months!"

'By the way, dear - you have an appointment with the acupuncturist tomorrow.'

"But you didn't say they had to make sense - you just told us to write a thousand words a day."

'I'm a writer.' - 'What a coincidence, I'm a reader.'

Daisy Diaper Service

"It was only when I started to write the story of my life that I realised I'd forgotten to have one."

"I wrote, self-published and remaindered it myself."

The central metaphor of her novel was a fly.

Books 'n' Carrots

Writer breaks in new electric typewriter.

'Your new book is full of mistakes: the critics will have a field day.'

'My bed time story sounds a lot like your blog.'

"See, that's the problem with you new breed. You take rejection too personally."