Non-fat Enthusiast Gifts

Dieting Options: Non-fat, low-fat, stretch pants.

All Natural Nothing

Doctor to man with 'Push' door on mouth: 'It looks as though you've been eating a lot of junk food lately.'

'Simple - it's your high-protein diet that keeps you so manic.'

"They say we destroy plants – such as potatoes, corn and carrots – and they're boycotting us. They're fruitarians."

'Trouble is they always forget to return them...'

'I'm into natural foods, Joe -- give me a martini with a soybean in it.'

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

'Let me at it! Let me see!!'

"I'm not sure what's causing your stomachache. But I think it's safe to rule out hunger pains."

'Who cares about content? With a title like this it'll sell millions!'

'Frank, leak to the tabloids that these slow moving broccoli flakes cure cancer.'

"I'm putting you on a high fiber low taste diet."

'Did you fart, sweetie?'

"Young man, the world is your oyster, but for God�s sake avoid peanuts, soy, milk, eggs, wheat, fish, tree nuts, and chocolate."

The Nihilist Deli.

Attack of the 'health' foods

'However hard I try to lose weight, it always finds me again.'

The date was going well. She was better looking, but he was about to gain the nutritional edge.

'I'm sorry but I have to let you go, we're all drinking 2%.'

"My incentive for losing weight? I bought a fitted sheet a size to small."

'Apparently the nutrients and the additives cancel each other out.'

Gastroenterology - Pull Finger For Service.

'I'd like something with a high amount of vegetable protein, a bit of glucose or dextroe for energy, and some fiber.' 'One peanut butter and jelly on toast.'

I can't decide what to read, Gourmet or Weight Watchers.

Aiiiii! Fat! Cholesterol! Food!

'Id like to see you in two weeks. Try not to eat during that time.'

'According to Dr Alvin McDowell, everything that was good for you is now bad for you!'

Good cholesterol cop, bad cholesterol cop. Rice cake? Eat the donut punk.

'It's getting harder every day to make a living at this.'

Nyargh! - 'I swear I will never eat fibre again...' - 'I christen thee 'Titan'.'

"I programmed the refrigerator to hide from you in between meals."

'Let me introduce my biggest supporter, a real whale of a guy, a huge fan..'

A psychic predicts the discovery of gluten.

Diet Cud