Non-fat Enthusiast Gifts

Dieting Options: Non-fat, low-fat, stretch pants.

All Natural Nothing

Doctor to man with 'Push' door on mouth: 'It looks as though you've been eating a lot of junk food lately.'

'Simple - it's your high-protein diet that keeps you so manic.'

"They say we destroy plants – such as potatoes, corn and carrots – and they're boycotting us. They're fruitarians."

'Trouble is they always forget to return them...'

'I'm into natural foods, Joe -- give me a martini with a soybean in it.'

'Let me at it! Let me see!!'

'I'm sorry, Louis. I should have warned you that I installed a speed bump in front of the refrigerator.'

"I'm not sure what's causing your stomachache. But I think it's safe to rule out hunger pains."

'Who cares about content? With a title like this it'll sell millions!'

Attack of the 'health' foods

"My incentive for losing weight? I bought a fitted sheet a size to small."

'Did you fart, sweetie?'

'I'm sorry but I have to let you go, we're all drinking 2%.'

The date was going well. She was better looking, but he was about to gain the nutritional edge.

"I'm putting you on a high fiber low taste diet."

'However hard I try to lose weight, it always finds me again.'

'Frank, leak to the tabloids that these slow moving broccoli flakes cure cancer.'

The Nihilist Deli.

"Young man, the world is your oyster, but for God�s sake avoid peanuts, soy, milk, eggs, wheat, fish, tree nuts, and chocolate."

'Apparently the nutrients and the additives cancel each other out.'

'I'd like something with a high amount of vegetable protein, a bit of glucose or dextroe for energy, and some fiber.' 'One peanut butter and jelly on toast.'

'According to Dr Alvin McDowell, everything that was good for you is now bad for you!'

'Id like to see you in two weeks. Try not to eat during that time.'

Aiiiii! Fat! Cholesterol! Food!

'It's getting harder every day to make a living at this.'

Nyargh! - 'I swear I will never eat fibre again...' - 'I christen thee 'Titan'.'

"It appears your high sodium bacon is playing havoc with your blood pressure."

Diet Cud

'Let me introduce my biggest supporter, a real whale of a guy, a huge fan..'

"It may not be the lowest cal, but it's low enough cal for me."