Non-believer's Cheerleader Pillows

"Yeah, I'm an atheist-and a damn good one."

'Joe's really slow to take hint...she's been wearing that dress for two years.'

Freezing

"Way to go, guys! When I gave you that pep talk before the game I didn't actually think you'd score a goal!"

"Well, you're not itsy-bitsy to me."

"So. . . no, you are not going to root for another team."

'Your wife came by and left a message'

Super Bowl Sunday sermon: "Is it better to kick off or receive?"

Conformity

The end is far away. 'Hey, why do you have to bring everybody down?'

'What - are you deaf? He said, ‘I do.' Let's move it along.'

'Don't worry Marty! All we have to do is sit still and look stupid for a couple of hours . . . like when we watched 'Pulp Fiction'.'

It was that moment that Pastor Russ realized that it was Saturday.

"Michael Sherlock once said: 'Religion isn't about peace, love, or the betterment of our species, it's about power and control. Religion uses fear to control and milk its flocks. Fear of God. Fear of the Devil. Fear of death. Fear of being seen as deviant for expressing non-belief. Fear of social sanctions and in some countries, fear of legal sanctions. Fear is a powerful tool to manipulate the masses and religion has mastered its employment.' ..."

Michelle Obama.

"Your depression isn't caused by anything physical. I suggest you root for another pro sports team."

"It's true - we totally have the best religion!"

'I hate Mondays!'

'I'd like a ring, but nothing too expensive. This is only my first marriage.'

'Sorry, you can't smoke in the control group.'

"This is a great place for someone with Tourette's - you come here, you're just like everyone else."

Winter Surrender

'I have come to say we love you all and want you all to succeed. Wait! . . . Wrong locker room. My bad.'

The underdog succumbs to the pack

Meet the new beach bod, same as the old beach bod.

'I know you had a bad week, Dear, but you don't have to go through the communion line twice.'

Angel Delight

"May I point out that this proposal includes unlimited talk, text and data."

'His fifth comeback to the ring...and only his first fight!'

Senator Krupt: Now Accepting Campaign Contributions - 'It'll Pay For Itself In No Time!'

"The boos I can handle. It's the silence of the educated fans that rankles."

"I need everybody to come down to the garden to cheer on the tomatoes."