Churchgoer Cheerleader Pillows

It was that moment that Pastor Russ realized that it was Saturday.

'Your wife came by and left a message'

'She's a very protectice mother!' - Lifeguard at Christening/Baptism.

"It's OK, I'm preordained."

'Just ask yourself -- Are you better off now than you were two thousand years ago?'

Bless me father, for I have sinned...my brother did it.'

Early Piety

'So it's with a heavy heart that I leave you good people of St. Paul's and accept the calling to be minister at the Sunnydell Nudist Colony...'

"Whose idea was it to start with the Hallelujah chorus?"

"...and for today only, you'll get 10% off all tithing!"

'I'm told you've been born again, again and again. . . ?'

"The 'Sing Only in the Shower' Community Chorus"

Priest

Verger Works

Clown Ministry Baptism Today

"Can the folks in the nose-bleed section hear me alright?!"

"Bible lessons are best taught in the context of faith. There's no need to add 'based on a true story.'"

"First time visitors should always check the seating chart before entering the sanctuary."

We're willing to flee temptation, if we can leave a forwarding address.

'Let us pray...'

"Are there any here today who feel this union is not in the best interests of baseball?"

"Life is very fragile so we should handle it with 'prayer'."

'We're going to start this week's sermon with a review of the basics....'

'Don't believe everything you read in the papers!' (Vicar to lady reading the war cry).

"God created Heaven and Earth in seven days but has failed us miserably with Brexit."

CCTV in church.

Baptism Then and Now

"As a child of the pastor, did you stop and think that just because you can belch the books of the Bible, should you?"

"I have an app for that."

Pastor's Bumper Sticker: Save the Congregation

"No, the Trinity is not the Father, The Son, and the Preacher's wife."

"I like to use new Bible words. Let's beseech Mom for cookies."

"Sorry I'm late. I had to get a tattoo removed"

'Father James, I slept with Father Henry from next parish... Is that a sin?' - 'Of course!! You belong to my parish!'

"Amen. Please help me up."