Cynical Cheerleader Pillows

The end is far away. 'Hey, why do you have to bring everybody down?'

Go team!

Pregnant Cheerleaders,

Team Experiences Cabinet: Productivity, Fun, Goal Setting!

'I tried being pessimistic. I was terrible at it.'

"Being the smartest girl in third grade is going to Melinda's head."

'Hey, hey, hey!'

Jumping cheerleaders

"Have I complimented you on marketing's renewed team spirit?"

"And now, since our local teams really stink, here are scores for actual good teams around the country that you might want to root for."

Strive to win!

'This is gonna be one of those teamwork talks, isn't it?'

Freezing

'XFL Hall of Fame.'

'Forget it, Sister, Jessica -- Notre Dame doesn't need cheerleaders!'

"Well, you're not itsy-bitsy to me."

"So. . . no, you are not going to root for another team."

Normal People Support Group

"Way to go, guys! When I gave you that pep talk before the game I didn't actually think you'd score a goal!"

Hockey cheerleaders.

Conformity

Great. Fourteen things to cheer about and it's only Monday.

'Don't worry Marty! All we have to do is sit still and look stupid for a couple of hours . . . like when we watched 'Pulp Fiction'.'

'I think he's perfect for 'The Morale Committee'.'

Interpretive Cheering

"You will NOT kneel during the national anthem!! And look me in the eye when I'm talking to you!!"

Sir Louie the Bench-Warmer pumps up the home crowd, and the tide of battle begins to turn.

Golf cheerleaders.

"I've noticed an improvement in all my patients since I got the bouncy couch."

'For some reason the coach never puts me in.'

"Your depression isn't caused by anything physical. I suggest you root for another pro sports team."