Nimby Satirist Gifts

Third Option

"Vintage? What would you like it to be?"

'As Chuck's definition of terroir dragged past the 20-minute mark, Suzy concluded, the longer the explanation, the less likely you know what the word means.'

'This wine is dreadful - try some.'

'We're out of earshot now, so you can drop the phoney, Oxbridge accent.'

"I know you've been waiting a long time, but the Pearls were here before you."

'It's first flush Darjeeling darling!'

'I use my Blackberry all the time to check the competition's executive bonuses.'

Champagne at the hunt

'Celeb Foods: Damien Hurst's voles in brine.'

'And then the big bad wolf said, 'This, little piggy, is where the rubber meets the road.''

"This is Sweden, not Eden."

"It's all good – but some of it is better."

Hoody Woodpecker.

doom.com

Traffic Lights Medicine

Difference between regular and French onion soup? "When I serve the French onion soup, I sneer."

"Nope, no need to smell the cork."

Lex Ave Express

"It's actually an ink stain but my wife has grown quite fond of it."

",,,These job cuts will not affect patient care...."

'These f****** pop stars are setting really f****** bad examples with their b***** lifestyles.'

"Are you Matthew Jones with a double 'T'?"

Bumper sticker reads: 'I'd rather be text messaging.'

"It's our latest objet d'art, of course we can't use it!"

'That's quite a bit you're inheriting. I suppose you realize this will force you to start learning about wine.'

Good study habits based on honesty will serve you well all your life! Employers look for trustworthy people who don't cheat! Values Assembly. Who's she talking about? It sure doesn't apply to me. I'm going to be a hedge fund manager. Yeah? Well, I'm headed to Hollywood!

"Of course, it's a very early Rembrandt."

Celebrity X-factor Gogglebox Bake-off on Ice

"It's a couch, not a settee, you posh git!"

"Bubbles, huh? Call it what you want...it's still just gas."

Six Degrees of Depradation

"Do you have anything fit for a King?"

"It's best just to leave them alone - Over the years, they've come to regard themselves as an elite group of drunks."

"Yes, there is a chance you'll be alive in six months... If there really is such a thing as reincarnation."