Nighttime Tale Lovers Pillows

'Good evening. I'm the scary person who'll be hiding under your son's bed tonight!'

'Br'er Fox said 'I'm going to throw you into the briar patch'...And Br'er Rabbit said, 'Please,please don't taser me!''

"First, I sent a rocket of a drive down the fairway, then I took the 7-iron, put that ball on the green...a hundred and eighty yards if it was an inch..."

'It wouldn't hurt to say a few words.'

"There's no way we can get him ow. He's completely under the covers."

Alice in Wonderland: Alice and the Dodo.

'What did St. Patrick have against snakes?'

"He's right―there is something under the bed!"

'Don't be silly - the sun won't burn itself our for another 5 billion years. Bedsides, the Earth will have been smashed to smithereens by asteroids long before that.'

Fairtale prosecutions.

'See, there are no people in your closet. Now, go to sleep!'

"Can you read me a bedtime story about ponies, next time?"

'You see? There are no Wall Street millionaires under your bed.'

"Long Johns Silver."

"Can I hear Goldilocks and the three hares?"

"Papi, I heard something!"

Finding Bigfoot

Monster fixing boy's car bed.

"No, let down your hair!"

He's mumbling again! What do you think husbands dream about?

The End is Night

Signs grampa has run out of 'When I Was Your Age' stories.

"So, did Little Red Riding Hood have really bad eyesight or something?"

Man reading in lamp

"Well, I just experienced my first misophoia trigger."

'If you're alone in here, who just said 'Ribbit'?'

'OVERSLEPT? All four thousand of them???'

'... and they lived co-dependently ever after...'

'The prince and the princess lived happily ever after on their profits from capital-appreciation funds.'

"No dear - there are no malcontents at odds with society under your bed."

'It's the most amazing case of rapid eye movement I've ever seen.'

Oh, come on. Don't think of this as 'going to bed.' Think of this as a short break between nighttime naughtiness and morning mayhem.

David Anderson vs. Goliath

"And then they went and did work in a coffee shop and lived happily ever after."

Goodnight Moon